Perpetual Ramblings

workout plan. buy a beagle.

2012-01-30T06:35:00.001-08:00

That's right. We have all been fooled. We buy gym memberships, hire trainers, invest in homework outs...but all we really needed to do was buy a puppy.
It's simple..if you run with it every day, the exasperating energy level dissipates the rest of the day. You start off slow when they are just a few months old and you take them for walks. This gets you off the couch and outside.
You increase the distance the pace as she grows and you too start earning a little more cardio stability.

Soon, you can work her up to a mile or two by 8 months.
By doing this...you alleviate the crazy running around and incessant chewing of things b/c she is simply to tired after :)

It forces you to run, because if you don't. you don't alleviate the crazy running around and incessant chewing of things b/c she is simply NOT tired.

The benefits are two-fold - 1. tired puppy. 2. fitter you.
I know, brilliant. I will be writing a book about it soon and the DVD will be on sale in a few months.

Things one does when one is so sick and fending off boredom

2012-01-06T13:20:00.000-08:00

Finally. it happens. So stinkin' sick there was no pushing through it. No pretending I was superwoman, no ignoring the drop kick to the body and pummeling experience my sinus endured.
Day one though miserable. welcomed the idea of laying on the couching. That enjoyment wore off with the onslaught of boredom but to o sick to do anything about it!

So what does one do when one is sick and unable to DO anything...

1. organize photos and actually put them into albums. Yes, I still print my pictures and make albums. It's somewhat of an antique idea now :)
2. Organize itunes, used spotify..wonder why the heck I have both.
3. Pinterest. Need I say more. created some boards, organized my boards. wasted a lot of time indulging in others creativity.
4. blog. ;)
5. read. Studied the book of James. Read some Ken Ham brilliance.
6. Wrote thank you notes, realized my handwriting is just awful
7. One Tree Hill Marathon..sad, but true. don't judge.
8. Caught up on a documentary about sex slavery in America. ugh. Donate to Love146 now people!
9. happy im not a perfectionist or my house and it's slight disarray would have driven me crazy.
10. Colored. I'm awesome at coloring.
11. slept- kinda.
12. Played Mario Cart while the kids were at school. shhhh.
13. caught up on emails. bookings and actually organized groups in my email list. yup.
14. imovie home videos all caught up.
15. the couch cushion is forever formed to my body contour. :)

Day 5- i think there is life. here's hoping!!

inspire me plz?

2012-01-03T11:36:00.000-08:00

Why is it that some days you feel like there are so many ideas you basically trip over yourself running in all sorts of creative directions and then other days you sit staring at blank canvas...and all you see is blank canvas?
It's odd how sometimes the simplest thing can inspire a infinite number of ideas and then...ya got nothing.
Last night I slept all of three hours....so stinkin' sick I can barely see to type this. BUT, I'm also bored with not enough energy to do much more than blog ...haha. I had lots of time to think tho..I mean, when your sick and your brain won't shut off...one COULD watch Dirty Dancing Havana Nights at 1:30 a.m. and think ...no matter how much one likes dancing...that movie is just awful....or think of ways to be better in what you love and in the way you love :) The latter being MUCH more rewarding.
I have had some time to let ideas sink in and perhaps be inspired...while blowing my nose and dreaming of a the kung fu panda like pressure sitting on mah face....leaving me be.

oh the places you will go...

2012-01-01T19:35:00.000-08:00

who knows what could happen in a year. I mean it's a long time, but it's a short time. We always say..where did time go....that happened so fast..... (unless ur doing laundry...or third grade math homework).

Investment. That's the word for this year. Investing in those around me. I try to do that anyway, but perhaps with more purpose this year. Nothing replaces memories with friends and family. Nothing. Not even a super clean, spotless, well organized house...tho...it's nice ;)

What do i mean by investment? i'm not really sure. Perhaps just more of an awareness, a compassion an understanding of others. Praying more intentionally, loving less inhibited, less planning, more living..i dunno... so many cliche's - so little time :) - cue dramatic music here.

oh and by the way...I'm a bop it whiz...that's another thing about me... I hate board games. kinda. But, once I play I usually like it. However, more board games lead to more fun memories....even my small groupies can attest to some cranium expertise on my behalf.

Frankly, now I am just rambling ;)

@ftale ;)

2011-12-18T19:11:00.000-08:00

Ok, so the morality code of this movie was suspect. BUT, this scene was my favorite. It was all of about 30 seconds, but I loved the artwork.

For a girl whose heart was broken, but still believed in fairy tales, came a gift from the boy who was her friend and commissioned her a "fairy tale" street painting - to make sure she kept believing.

Yes, it's predictable, yes they fall in love. BUT, in my random, circular pattern of thinking. It's true. No matter how many times a heart is shattered, disappointed and hurt, it's still worth embracing people. It's still worth loving, being open and willing to smile at anyone. People can also enrich and reveal why love is there in the first place. Everyone still wants a fairy tale :)

There is a reason the new show "Once Upon A Time" was instantly popular!

PS- if anyone wants to photograph me like this (photoshop required!) I would make this my fb profile for the rest of my stinkin' life.!

People will hurt you and reality destroys those "fairy tales".

It's beautiful thing in which God designed us with the ability to forgive and HE provides an everlasting vault of love he keeps pouring into...no matter how much others may take.

So...here's to believing in prince charmings, Neverland and I'm pretty sure mermaids exist ;)

PS - This post will be continued in a way. can't wait to show you!!

Perception..

2011-11-30T06:10:00.000-08:00

I remember my one friend, after telling her I thought she was talented in so many areas, her comment back was, "jack of all trades, but I'm a master of none."
It threw me. My perception of her was someone who could do just about anything you put in front of her. Super smart! Double major in college, cute, very athletic, played piano beautifully (just as a hobby), sketch artist? yup, funny, out going, and very efficient, organized, but knew how to have fun and just roll with it. ALL her fantastic attribute were the VERY thing that made her feel slighted. She knew she was good at a lot of things, but she felt she really didn't shine in any one area. Go figure.
It's amazing how perception can be so warped depending on who is perceiving.
Everyone has insecurities (some are just better at hiding or masking), everyone has something he/ she is good at...some just take a longer road to get there, girls are notorious for comparing themselves to other girls. Guys wanna beat each other up - even when they hug they gotta pound the heck out of each other :)
It's just simply this, God loves his princes and his princesses, it's just when we dilute ourselves we start warping the perception of this amazing being God created...you. Just my thought this morning, random at best ;)

Um. hello :)

2011-11-14T05:54:00.000-08:00

So, almost two months later I am not sure where to pick up. I am not sure what to really blog about anyway, so MUCH has happened some of it seems lame to mention. :)

I feel like there should be some sort of remix...
flood waters surges
clean up emerges
birthday celebratin'
job creatin'
newspaper quitting
on my couch sitting ;)
paid to blog is cool
sometimes subbing at school
soccer came and went
time well spent
photographing craze
navigating life's maze
losing a dog was an end
puppy training begins
new friends were founded
old friends keep me grounded
family times with tears and laughs
kids are growing fast
footloose remix...um yea please
Breaking Dawn part 1? such a tease :)
blogging slacker? yup
life's been too crazy to keep up
back to work i must go
be for realshizzle, word up yo.

At the ledge...

2011-09-15T07:09:00.000-07:00

in a good way :) The way the last few weeks have panned out I am literally on a rollercoaster of emotions! The flood, the people I see, the friends I know and the job I have...have all intertwined in a way that has woven some of the most beautiful moments in my life.
First. God is good. No matter what we think and wonder why, He is. It's hard to see when you look at homes and businesses devastated by what has happened, but remember we are looking at a small picture. Life is big.
Anyway- I stand at a ledge of opportunity that will change so much. Let's face it, as a creature of comfort I like to plan and do what I have been doing. My job is predictable...so is my paycheck. My schedule is somewhat predictable...that is comforting.
The recent events put my job in peril because of MANY reasons, but it allowed me to have some VERY clear cut conversations with my boss that we have not had. I have been unsettled in my job for awhile and it seems the hurricane issue sparked some new opportunities in a weird way.
I had a friend of a friend offer me a new opportunity that I am really liking and so far, my freelance photography has been doing ok :) Despite my belief that I possess superhuman powers and can do it all. I know I can't. Letting go of comfort and taking on something totally new is crazy to me. BUT exciting. I am trying to be patient and watch the doors open for me and step off the ledge in faith the God will catch me. :) It's easy to tell someone else to do it, waaaaay hard when it's yourself and it is a decision involving your family and your finances. But, I am at peace that whichever way it goes, it will be GOOD. God is good. Did I mention that? And HE is real. We just tend to shut him down in our own finite ways.
Here's to a new chapter...soon. I hope :)

processing

2011-09-04T20:34:00.000-07:00

it's gonna take awhile.
can't take it all in
i see
more tears than laughter
so much despair
not enough hands
my heart expands with sadness
my tears are not enough to satisfy
i have no idea what day it is
no sense of time
but that's today
there is always tomorrow :)

and the world keeps turning...

2011-09-03T20:23:00.000-07:00

ever experience something that devastates you and you feel the whole world is crashing down...but in reality...the whole world keeps moving on...with or without you? There have been a couple of times in my life where heartache and near tragedy has flattened me. You almost despise those who still laugh or carry on with the "normalcy" of life while your whole world is falling apart. Now, I am not personally going through something like this right now, but i think just about anyone can relate. Within the towns of Middleburgh and Schoharie, Margaretville and Windham, Prattsville and Gilboa the world has slowed to a near stop. Within our streets the National Guard is something we have gotten used to, firetrucks and every other big machine is a regular sighting, dirt, grime and sadness is kind of every day for now. So it's odd to drive to another spot in our little world where the sun is shining, kids play soccer and people walk their dog without a care. It's almost like you feel a resentment toward their regular life :) Though, I don't hold it against them, sometimes you want to scream out and say..."do you have any idea what is going on today!"
But then i ask myself...when was my last normal day someone else's nightmare? the world keeps on turning :)

and seriously.... I want one...

People.

2011-09-01T20:06:00.000-07:00

People can be cruel, stupid, immature, brazen, pitiful, cowardly and insensitive.
BUT, this week. I have seen none of those people.
I have seen compassion, tears of sincerity, strangers hugging strangers, love, kindness, hard work and God moving in a way, we never expected.
People will be people. But, in this week of tragedy and hurt, I like people.

and it begins...

2011-08-24T18:57:00.000-07:00

I drove to the high school where I coach three days ago and thought to myself.."oh my gosh..it's here. again." The new soccer season. Fall 2011. For those of you NOT ruled by the school calendar, I am sure your annual "moments" are different. But, in late August I drive to the school, every fall, where I meet 18-20 teenage girls who want to play soccer. But here is what happens. They run, they cry, they puke, they push themselves, they look at me and I look back and them...and another season begins. :)
It's hard to explain, unless you do it. But it's a cool feeling to be the only ones out there working your butts off for one reason. No phones, computers, parents, boyfriends or external factors...just us and a ball and a common goal.
The next few months are insane. My schedule gets annihilated, but when one of the girls looks at me and says, "I'm ready coach,". Well, wouldn't you know - so am I kiddo :)

jeans that fit just right...

2011-08-16T19:38:00.000-07:00

ever try on a hundred pair of jeans just to find the perfect fit? ok, well i have never tried on 100 pairs of jeans..I am just not that good of a shopper. I get bored and fast. However, i do love a great pair of jeans! Finding the right fit isn't always easy. I compare that to my latest blogging endeavor. My photography blog is not anything I like. It doesn't fit right, I look at it from all angles and I don't like how it feels. Therefore, a new idea has come about and all of a sudden, it fits, the length was good, the feel is pleasant and I liked how it looks. Perfect. It's amazing what ideas come and go when you are driving to destination by yourself!
So... tossing the non-fitting pair of jeans aside and pulling on some new ones. Fresh. Fit. Comfy. yay!
And thanks..in advance...to all those who are helping :) It's gonna be fun.

Btw. random. I am halfway through The Help, and that book deserves every rave review it's getting so far. I really like it. Lots.

I also watched the movie Soul Surfer last week with my cousins. I super duper liked it. I was in for a cheesy, inspiration, predictable plot, but it gave more than that. It's family friendly. My kids loved it and we had a lot to talk about after.

Ok, blogness is done! Time to start focusing on birthday celebrations!! haha! just kidding. well, not really ;)

blog slacker

2011-08-04T19:21:00.000-07:00

Slacking a little here. BUT for good reason :) Weddings, family and of course the latest addition to our family..abby. Kinda feels like we have a newborn again. wait. we do. Not sure how I felt standing outside in the drizzle this morning at 4a.m to watch her pee...but it comes with this super cute face....
Still miss my dog that we had for 11 years so it's a bitter sweet transition. And yes, Andrew named her after Abby Wombach...can't say I blame him for liking her so much. We went through the whole U.S women's soccer team - and Abby finally won out. Friends of ours have Mia and Hope..so it's a destined play date!

Intentionally being intentional.

2011-07-15T06:04:00.000-07:00

A close friend of my mom's past away last week. Someone I have known since I was little. She had been a college friend and it was ironic in that same week I was meeting up with one of my dearest friends from my college. Because I attended school so far from home, it's rare I see anyone from good ol' LU. As my friends and I talked about it we realize how very intentional we have to be about everything. Intentional about seeing each other, intentional about loving our family, intentional about knowing how to relax and enjoy life.
That was emphasized when we were able to hang out with Graham and Randi for a bit. Graham, like my brother, suffered a severe brain injury. My brother's injury is now eight years old (can't believe it has been that long). Graham's injury is just one year old. That one year mark is hard to swallow, because it's the time table every doctor gives a TBI patient. "In one year you will have an idea of what you are dealing with." ugh.
Last year, we had no idea what was happening as he lay in Albany Med's ICU. This year, we sat at the kitchen table and ate ice cream and the guys all laughed and joked around. Priceless.
It can happen in a blink, faster than a blink. Life changes. If you have never had a tragedy be the defining moment in your life, I pray you never do. It hangs on the calendar like a blaring signal of life "before" and life "after".
It changes your perspective and it sometimes makes you want to beat people over the head that complain about "small" things. My mom and I both admit it's hard to not lash out at someone who complains.... I mean, I can complain... but you can't. haha. It's a grace issue and I am working on it. But after seeing Graham, after knowing what my mom's friend has dealt with over the past three years with cancer and after watching my brother fight for everything in his life....eh. complaining about anything less seems trite. I even catch myself at times...so it's a learning process. I have to intentionally look around and realize, I have SO MUCH to be thankful for. I have to be intentional about a lot of things or life slips away and you aren't intentional about anything.

not title. just words.

2011-07-15T05:52:00.000-07:00

If you miss seeing me
close your eyes

If you miss hearing my voice
open your heart to listen

If you wish we were closer
dream of me

when I miss seeing you
I close my eyes to find you

when I miss your voice
I open my heart to listen

when I miss your closeness
I dream of you

When I can't keep you
I let God hold you

Some firsts.

2011-07-10T20:48:00.000-07:00

Random firsts!!
Recently I have:
1. Run my first 5K. (race-wise)

2. Gone Mtn Biking...in real mtns and pretty sure it's one of the hardest workouts ever.

3. Someone asked me. "Wait you have a house phone? do you use it??" ha!

4. My first "bartering" success. i talked an antique guy down $10. That's right.

5. My first laughing so hard I cried, couldn't breathe, about-to-die experience this year.

6. My first time running out of coffee in years. (truth!)

7. First fireworks from Thacher Park

8. my first time hooking a worm to fish ...wait. no. i haven't done that :)

Canvas Wall Art

2011-07-08T18:31:00.001-07:00

Took one of my landscape shots and made a canvas :)

Blank Project Canvas Print

Shutterfly offers custom St. Patrick's Day cards.

View the entire collection of cards.

Top 5 Reasons To Be Austin:

2011-06-26T18:41:00.000-07:00

Why I want to be my 5 year old for a day:

1. I can spend 10 minutes of my afternoon wondering how many days it would take ants to eat the marshmallow I dropped...and not consider it a waste of time.

2. I can wear cut off sleeves, winter boots and shorts and people still think I look cute.

3. I am expected to drop food

4. I randomly just go into headstands and people applaud me for it.

5. I tell everyone I want to be a monster truck driver and it's hits them like it's the best idea in the world.

Inspired

2011-06-22T05:43:00.000-07:00

Austin can pick me dandelions and because he loves them and gives them to me proud, those silly weeds get displayed on my counter in a vase while all the other "pretty"flowers get left outside in their respective places. However, my Austin finds the dandelions special and with his intentions he makes them priceless.
So, it challenges me to be inspired by "simpler" things, dandelions if you will!
Inspiration as of late?
Aron Ralston is definitely an inspiration in the people world. Would you cut off your arm to survive? random thought I know, but if you haven't seen that movie. I suggest it. It's intense, but puts a little perspective on"problems". I heart James Patterson's sweet, sappy romance novels. Watching a movie of his as I write ( sap-ola). Whatever, don't judge - it's a rainy morning, kids are at school and I'm working.
Thunderstorms! love em!
And is this weird? We have had three semi-bad days and on all three days - HUGE rainbows. HUGE. We were stranded at the airport before leaving for Florida- rainbow over the entire place. We had a flat tire when we took the kids bike riding at Thacher Park - HUGE rainbow and believe it or not, the day our Hershey dog passed away, that night - a rainbow :).

sometimes...

2011-06-15T06:24:00.000-07:00

you just have those days when you kind of wish you weren't a grown up. the kind where you envy your own children and their blissful ignorance to the world around them and you wish them to stay there forever. they can't. they won't. and you know all to well that being a grown up means...well. ha. i am not sure what it means :) but today, and just for a few moments until i "buck up", i don't want to be the grown up.

Library Card...

2011-06-08T05:18:00.000-07:00

Is it ironic that someone who loves to read, write and read some more never had a library card...since college? I KNOW! I admit for awhile when the boys were little it just seemed like one more stop to get them out of the car seat with all of their stuff. However between my family and a few friends who use their respective libraries TONS, I decided it was time.
Love it.
I admit - I have this weird thing about keeping the books I read, not because I plan on reading them again, but a few I just like to say "read that, and there it goes on my shelf". Maybe I have a pride issue? A hoarding issue? A love of books on my shelf issue? I dunno. But, I checked out two fave authors and I guess I am willing to give them back....only cuz I get to check more. I'm excited to get more. I already have a small list growing. Let the nerdery in me soar!!
Since the nicer weather I have finished Wicked, If I Stay and The Castaways. It's my little respite. I don't read anything too heavy, or self-help or informationally saturated. I read for fun and relaxation. Cheers, to my new library card. ha!

Pullin' on mah Big Girl Pants...

2011-05-24T04:58:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time when I was a little girl and I was not feeling well...I could "get the stay home from school free" card and worry about nothing except what movies I was going to watch. My friend would even bring my homework over (cuz he lived next door) and do it with me later on in the day. Mom and dad would check on me, I mean let's face it- if I was sick, I was pretty sure the world stopped functioning :)
So when did that stop being true!!!???
Regardless, today despite the deep and longing desire to hide under my blankets -the world somehow did not stop turning. So, with one million responsibilities today...I am pulling on my big girl pants :) Taking on the day....it just kinda stinks because with 5 hours of shooting ahead of me - I wanted to be super woman. (ha. yes. please picture the cape...not sure I could really pull of the rest of the outfit..so let's rock the cape shall we?)

For a moment this morning....I felt like I was in a Taylor Swift song...

Not State Farm, but such a good neighbor

2011-05-21T14:11:00.000-07:00

Gonna give ya the short version. The great idea was to go to Thacher Park and overlook the cliffs as the storms came rolling through. During the breaks in the rain, the kiddos could ride their bikes all over the place. We got out of the truck at the overlook with HUGE black clouds rollin in. Lightning, rainbows, rain over Albany, sun on us...and one flat tire.
We punctured it in the parking lot. We left the spare at home when using the truck bed for something and never put it back. oops. So. now what? It was time to call someone for help. We called our dear neighbors and thankfully he was home. Not only that, he is a stock car racer and has changed more tires than anyone I know. This is important, because there were several things going awry with the changing of our tires on the 1997 pickup ;) I will spare the details. Our neighbor got into our house, got the tire, drove to Thacher Park and in the now pouring rain, helped changed the tire..it would have taken two dudes to do it no matter what.
It rained on us, there was sunshine on either side of us, but we had to have seen the most brilliant rainbow. The camera didn't do it justice. So, we watched the storm roll in and were in awe. Side note: our neighbor wasn't even supposed to be home last night. At the last minute decided to come home and get some stuff when we called (haha - probably so glad he answered the phone!)

Rainy Days.

2011-05-18T08:57:00.000-07:00

Sooo many rainy days...BUT they ARE good for something...getting some inside projects done, because it's not secret that when the sun is out, I tend to play more than work.
However, kitchen projects are almost done and I attacked the living room..with a vengeance. It was a bold move. A scary move and I still have more to get done. But at least it's a start.

We had that awesome 70's style plank board wall :) whoo hoo! So, I changed it a little

My super awesome chair that I had wanted that we ended up buying from a couple who was moving and needed to get rid of it. Got it for like a 1/4 of the store price! I'm still not done with this area, but it took forever to do the walls, moulding and beams...so taking a break.

And still haven't finished this area either. But It's a start.... here's to more HGTV in my life :P and no i didn't bother to remove the tshirt on the bench, the junior golf clubs by the door or the bball hoop hanging on the door...because that just wouldn't be a true picture now would it??

Creation/Evolution and an 8-year-old

2011-05-15T13:21:00.000-07:00

These thoughts have turned over and over in my head. And trust me, this post could be PAGES long, but the focus is on teaching. I would love it if you emailed me or posted your thoughts :) But, we have come to the time when my eldest is learning "science" in school. This also means the time has come to teach how to "respectfully disagree". That's not easy for a kid, to realize people he respect (friends, family and teachers) believe in something other than what the Bible says and what we as parents believe. We have started with the basics...What does the Bible say? What does the science book say? Of course, they don't match up and at some point my son will have to decide for himself what he truly believes. But, I will be honest..I was challenged in high school in this very area of evolution vs. creation. Was I just gonna regurgitate what I had been taught by my parents? OR...did I believe it. So. I studied. I'm not gonna give a dissertation on all I learned, but I will tell you - this novel reading, soccer focused, social butterfly type of college girl - thoroughly absorbed her apologetics class. Maybe it is because I learned under Dr. Dewitt - one of the leading scientist/creationists in the county, maybe it's because I was blown away by the concrete proof. Regardless, my son will understand both sides equally. I have no problem studying the THEORY of evolution and he will learn the questions to pass the test, but he will have the option to KNOW both, to question both and to look at both sides in depth. I did and it may be the very reason I know what I believe is true today.
So, the concept of understanding that those we love and respect will disagree with our beliefs is not easy to teach, but at this point in time it is necessary.
And just cuz i can't resist - There is several written pieces that Darwin renounced his theories before he died that never made it to the text books ;) Super interesting. Ya gotta pick one..God? or Evolution? Ya can't have both...even Theistic Evolution undermines what God says.
another thing is I am amazed at the people who get so upset when they learn I disagree...but here's the thing..I have literally STUDIED evolution, debated it on the college circuit and understand the thought behind it, the people who so adamantly disagree with me - have never studied creation. It's a science believe it or not. The site Answer In Gensis, has resources above and beyond. But it always throws me that those who disagree with me get so very upset! I dunno!
Last point - I have read HUNDREDS of testimonies on evolutionist who turned creationists after studying the science, I have not found one testimony of a creationist who turned against it. Maybe they are out there, but I haven't read one.
So, it's gonna get uncomfortable at times I am sure as my son's eyes begin to open wider to the world and realize he will have to forge his way. But, far be it from me not to give him every tool, resource and support system he needs to know truth. God will lead, I will follow, my son will know. BUT, if you are someone who has kids in a public school or have had kids there and have had to balance this... I would love your thoughts. thx!

Wondering what I forgot!!

2011-05-10T17:36:00.000-07:00

It's rarely, if ever, I think most of us feel that we have it ALL together. I guess "all" is subjective, but for a Tuesday in my world (deadline day) I rarely feel as if that is the case. So, this morning when I got ready to go..I had my work out done, articles ready, photos cropped and fitted, lunch packed and I actually was early. Was I pleased? NO! I kept wondering what it was I was forgetting? If things go THAT smoothly, surely I have forgotten something, misplaced something, overlooked an entire SOMETHING! Alas, it is 8:30 p.m. and I have yet to find out what I forgot. (course the day is not over). Can we ever be truly satisfied?? Apparently not! Just when I accomplish what I set out to do everyday- I have to feel I have missed something along the way..... wonder what it was :D?

Close my eyes

2011-05-04T06:13:00.000-07:00

I close my eyes and clamp my hands over my ears and refuse to listen. Ok, maybe not literally, but I think if i were to sum up my emotions sometimes...that is what I am doing. For some reason, this week and last week a bunch of not so good news has come rolling in. Friends fighting cancer, others unable to conceive a baby and giving up, relapses in sickness, finding out friends my age have had parents pass away - all in a short amount of time. It's kinda overwhelming to take it all in. Sometimes ( and I admit) I can barely make myself pray - because it is emotionally exhausting to go there...I would rather close my eyes, clamps my ears, shake my head and cry out "I can't hear you!" Tis true. But, I find myself also encouraged in many things. In this book my Max Lucado "It's Not About Me" the last line of the second chapter is in regard to Max at 9 years old going to his first funeral. It is the first time he sees his uncle's dead body, his usually happy aunts crying, his other uncles stoic and his father somber. It leads to this awesome passage :
"It's ok son," he assures, laying his hand on my leg. Somehow I know it is. Why it is, I don't know. My family still wails. Uncle Buck is still dead, but if Dad, in the midst of it all says it's okay, then that's enough. At that moment I realized something. I could look around and find fear, or look at my father and find faith. I chose my father's face, so did Moses. So can you."
Open eyes. Unclamp ears. Breathe.

So glad I didn't have Facebook...

2011-04-29T09:19:00.000-07:00

Can I just say, I am so glad Facebook wasn't around when I was in high school. I actually feel sorry for teens (esp girls) who have to maneuver through this social media. I say this because I have had my fair share of watching teens deal with the crazy drama that unfolds through pictures that are posted, subtle insults embedded in status messages and who hung out with who Friday night and left who out!
It's insane.
I mean, I know adults who create their own drama - but I don't feel so bad for them - get a grip.
However, for young kids who really forged this frontier before their parents even knew what Facebook was, pretty much did it without much guidance or understanding of the impact.
I spent enough time crying in my room over something someone said at school or sulking because some one was hanging out with MY best friend more..haha...you laugh..but for those of you who did high school..you know.
I couldn't imagine trying to keep up with social demands and implications of online socializing. Gosh, it was difficult enough on a day to day basis. I don't say that begrudingly. I loved high school, but despite the overall fond memories, there were those moments of emotional wreckage. Just glad Facebook wasn't around then :) My yearbook is good enough!....and now. I definitely sound old and for the record. i love facebook.

Impact.

2011-04-27T09:12:00.000-07:00

We were asked in our small group what books (beside the Bible) had an impact on us. It immediately divided the readers from the non-readers..all in good humor...so we were forced to include movies too.
My mind scrambled...so many books! So many movies! I giggled, because I wanted to proudly state TWILIGHT!! ha! Impactful? maybe one of the MOST entertaining..not sure it can qualify as impacting. Though, I could probably spawn an inner debate about that.
I did choose This Present Darkness - Frank Peretti and The Shack. When a book comes back to mind time and again...then you know it got it you. I feel the same goes with certain songs or movies. One dude was passionate about the movie Braveheart another spoke highly of a book I now can't remember- but it had to do with the cost of Pastor's standing up for Christ in Nazi Germany - I'm guessing it's not a light read by any means. But, it was interesting to go through and choose books or story lines that were impacting, not just entertaining or educational.
Of course, I also think books and movies can have a different impact depending on where you are in life. The turnover can be as frequent as different wrinkles unfolding in life. What movie/book grabs your heart?
My good friend did suggest a new author: Gayle Forman who has written If I Stay and then Where She Went - suggested for fans of Twilight. I haven't gotten the books yet...but I plan on it ;)

Out of misery - grows Friendships...

2011-04-23T15:01:00.000-07:00

Obviously most everyone knows we spent some time in Florida, a lovely treat for ANY New Yorker at this point. Getting there was a little on this side of misery. Delay upon delay and we ended up stranded at the airport missing our connection and therefore missing out on a day in the sunshine state...and for us Vitamin D deficient land-lovers...this was crazy disappointing. It was worse breaking the news to two lil boyz eagerly awaiting their first plane ride in which they were not babies.
Alas, we met the couple who were stranded in Detroit, flown to Binghamton because Scranton was under a wind advisory. We enjoyed the company of two lil girls and their family who all gathered around to watch movies with us and we met the near college graduates who asked a million questions about the teaching world...I re-met a family I knew from Davenport and felt sorry for the girl at the terminal who had no answers for weary, delayed travelers.
When we did get on the plane, we were delayed a second time, with the same people from the day before. The connection in Detroit was going to be close...and I mean CLOSE. We were that family you see in the movies racing through the airport..thankfully our newfound "friends" ran ahead of us to let the plane know we were en route..as fast as lil five year old legs could go.
Notes:
We made it with seven minutes to spare.
Andrew will probably never get on a plane again
I have the most well behaved boyz eva!
Three dudes missed their connections :(
Delta asked me about their services... I have yet to respond.
I heart all you who inquired and prayed for our trip
I like cars.
I really should live at the beach
Miserable delays = new friends. for realz.
Some girls really shouldn't wear mini skirts
Airplane snack needs to be a little more varied
No way will I ever be the airport terminal chick
I can pack a family of four into four bags and not check luggage...that's right.

So many ideas

2011-04-15T05:50:00.000-07:00

so little time. Ever want to do everything and nothing at the same time. Like...great concepts, innovative ideas- but overwhelming fear of rejection? That's me. But then, I guess if Mark Zuckerberg was fearful...

A fashion trend-setter..who me? nah ;)

2011-04-11T11:58:00.000-07:00

So, true story. I have received MULTIPLE compliments on this cool green and brown bag I have. It's a tote I guess I should say. I say ..."why thank you" and then I continue on my way...ok with a sort of smirk.
Only because...at least two of those people are...well...very INTO the clothes they wear and the fashion industry itself.
Here's the 411.. (i just wanted to say that) That green and brown tote is a result of my "be better to the planet moment" when I snatched up a few of those "go green" totes from Wal Mart. In a hurried exit from the house I used it to stuff a few things in it for the boys, some snacks and some personal items. At first I thought I was genius because it really was quite convenient. I have used it to more as tote (only because I can NEVER remember to bring it BACK to the store to shop with) more than anything..and out of all the bags, totes or whatever I have...it's the Wal Mart wonder that has gotten the most attention.
Just $3 ladies. and it can literally change your world...or at least it is fun to see how many people say they like your Wallie Bag. :)

Bittersweet

2011-04-07T08:29:00.001-07:00

Holding your hand
and then letting it go

Relishing your smile
before you turn away

it's bittersweet
this life we live

embracing the sweet
defines the bitter

laughing out loud
turns crying alone

a warrior's poetic justice ends in
a broken hearts compassion

the wings of being in-love
become grounded in reality

or
a lifetime of mistakes
hones God's magnificent work

insecurity lurks in the shadows
brightened with uniqueness

cold fingers warm
at the touch friendship

whispers of doubt
sing praises

lips of calloused lies
turn supple with truth

i walked alone
til my soul found you

i know it's sweet,
because I've known it's bitter.

:)

I went all HGTV on myself..

2011-04-04T06:08:00.000-07:00

Three pics is enough to get the idea. You know you are a grown up when you get excited to go to the store to buy hardware....

once i start...

2011-03-31T05:27:00.000-07:00

a project i have a horrible time stopping. I "started" to paint the kitchen the other day...and I seriously refuse to stop until its done. I can be my own worst enemy. I worked yesterday for HOURS and it still isn't done, but it's getting close. Pics to come! however, I know that is one of my "things". I drive to get it done and hate leaving things unfinished, but sometimes that infringes on other responsibilities and simple family/friend time. I feel bad, because I did say no to something yesterday with a girlfriend when I think I should have said yes. But, I was so determined to keep working, I stayed where I was and painted.
I don't like that I did that, I like it when relationships come first. So, today, more relationships, less painting....:)

Lent Lists

2011-03-31T05:24:00.000-07:00

I told my friend I needed everyone who was participating in Lent to provide me with a list of their "do's and don'ts." only cuz I was having problems keeping up with who was doing what until when! I didn't to cook offer or go anywhere that would infringe upon Lent decisions :)
It was done in jest, but seriously - next time..I need lists!
Anyway, though I chose not to participate, I am in full respect of those that do. I went through something similar in January - though it was not an official Lent of sorts.
However, I do sincerely pray whatever your Lent entailed...that it brought you close to the Lord. I did pray because that the "limitations" made for Lent by the people around me are for that reason only. I overheard someone at the supermarket say they were giving up carbs for Lent..."just to see if they could do it." hmmm, might be missing the point there.

not sure what to "title" it...

2011-03-27T17:16:00.000-07:00

before reality knocks, my dream can live a few seconds more
a beautiful world breathes before it's suffocated by my defenses
and for just a little while i can refuse to lock down my senses

there is a pause between moments
where nothing makes sense
but somewhere stories unfold
and no one has written the ending

wings let me fly
before gravity grounds my feet
everything is just a vapor to the touch
if my eyes open, it will disappear

misty thoughts and plausible impossibility
it ebbs and flows as moments of conscience
slip back and forth into the unconscious

eyes flutter open to find clarity
emotions plummet and rise
trying to find stability where dreams and reality clash

it's gone as feet touch solid ground
eyes focus on what is real
common sense dowsing imaginations fire

I close my eyes, but it's gone with the awakened
my skin feels the residue of what my mind can't remember
my soul still quakes at the hazy memory

my heart still knows where it's been
even if my thoughts can't recall the journey
my reality sharpens, the walls can be built to keep me sensible

until the walls fall apart in slumber
until my reality escapes
until the dreams return
until i close my eyes again.

Pictures and Love (146)

2011-03-25T06:46:00.000-07:00

I talked to a few people last night and I think I am all set. As I book clients, run a few promos and market for the potential of my young business I knew I wanted it to be more than just a business. Of course I wanted it to be fueled by a passion for what I do and who I do it for...but I wanted a little more ;)
So, in the contests and bookings I still have ahead, there will be a percentage I make going toward LOVE146. I encourage you to take the time to read and digest what it is all about.
However, in case you don't click on the link, it is an organization to stop child sex trafficking and the sexual exploitation of children. It is more of a problem then you or I would like to really admit.
I have the support of my church at Bethlehem Community Church where we support LOVE146 as well as some other key people involved in it's organization and founding, so I am excited.
It's ironic...it's sad that an organization like this has to even exist, but it's empowering to think, that we can all do a small part to help fund it.
Oddly enough, I was never a big "cause" person. Sounds a little crass I know. But, everyone has an agenda and a cause and I kinda brushed them off a little and was a little narcissistic in my thoughts...like how much does it really help to run a 5k for something? But, that has changed. Where there is passion, there is possibility.
So, passion, photography and Love146.
The current child contest and it's link and can be found here.

Thanks so much if you spread the word, anyone can repost the link. I certainly won't mind! :) :) :)

Passionate Photography and Vampires..say wha?

2011-03-24T08:36:00.000-07:00

Ok, so my mind wanders from time to time. Last night, a fellow photog invited me to watch a photography webinar with by Jesh de Rox about his business philosophy called Beloved...The Beloved Collective. His one hour session was intriguing as he showed his basis for doing anything is...relationships. Makes sense right? He talked about what our culture had embraced through the past few decades...the "walmart generation" where it's less personal, but you find mass produced "cheaper" items. Romantic huh?

Serious thought: We (artist, photographers, coaches, teachers, ANYONE) may need to focus on a more relational approach, a more passionate approach...where people and who they are, are the motivation and the cornerstone to whatever you do.

Wandering thought: As I was introduced to Jesh de Rox for the first time, I kinda thought he looked like a Cullen...not so much Edward...but a Cullen all the same.

Serious thought: Why was Twilight successful? There are bazillion blogs and ideas behind that. But it had the key elements...passion, relationships, suspension of disbelief and overcoming impossible odds. Sound familiar?

Wandering thought: What if Jesh actually referred to the movie in his webinar? "Photography is a passion for people, like vampires, we seek to extract from deep inside our clients" Maybe not.. I mean, Jesh is a vegetarian...so are the Cullens!

Serious thought: Whether it be photography or whatever else, if a passion for people intercepts the crossroad of business, responsibilities and life in general, I think we would find ourselves blessed over and over again. It's hard to open up your heart to others who may reject it or accept it, but as with anything...maybe love really can conquer all :)

Wandering Thought: If love can conquer vampire loving human... hmm...i think love CAN conquer all :)

Serious Thought: the thoughts and ideas challenged me to be a better photographer...passionate about the people AND the business. I look forward to the relationships I am building every day. I have fallen in love with what I do and the people and the moments we capture together.

Wandering Thought: People are truly beautiful and who wouldn't want a picture of that? If there were vampires out there wanting a family portrait.....i'm in.

Monster Jam and such...

2011-03-17T09:06:00.000-07:00

I never thought...NEVER thought I would be at an event such as Monster Jam. In fact, I didn't even know what it was until last spring. My kids stumbled up on it when flipping channels and it was love at first sight.
It has grown in popularity and finally shows have come to the northeast...to which we have attended two "jams"and just bought tickets to an event this summer. We have endured some teasing from friends...as if we should all be wearing wife beaters, greasy hair and tattoos to be considered among the regulars. However, I have to say, it is quite the opposite. Unlike anything I expected, most of these events are absent of the "redneckers" and more family oriented..kids, families and lots of big trucks. I had to giggle to myself when I realized at this last event, I knew every driver...and every truck. It's kind of like college basketball...I know all about it because I almost have no choice! So, I can hold any water cooler conversation about either sport.
The whole idea brings me to the fact that watching my kiddos faces light up is the entire reason I would sit through big trucks flipping around and paying too much for cotton candy so we can get the souvenir. It's something special they have developed a passion for and seeing it through their eyes makes me understand it a little better.
Must be how God feels about us. He takes great joy in seeing our faces light up in the blessings he is willing to bestow...kinda neat that our love for children doesn't even compare to how He feels about us.

Self-promotion...IDK

2011-03-17T06:04:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I am so excited about running my own photography biz and I am taking my learning "bumps" as I go. However, besides organizing orders and bills, I think my least fave part is self-promotion. I know that might seem contradictory to my nature as a human being, but big difference between outgoing and friendly and promoting myself. Ugh, I even admit it's hard for to me post stuff on facebook to get traffic to what I am doing! This week I was working on a bunch of stuff and I would get a small knot in my stomach when I present something to a business or school.
I was comforted slightly when I saw a business article about marketing for women and men. The difference...men to really like promoting themselves..ha! not sure how true that is, but women seem to have a hard time. I can't find the article again or else I would post it, but it was funny.
I am still working on being a better photographer, but man, telling everyone they should use me...it's like a whirlwind of...not wanting to. wanting to. not wanting to. have to. do i really have to?. yes. ugh. fine.
yup. wish people would just somehow know I exist..ha! guess it doesn't work like that ;)

Ya know when just one line hits ya...

2011-03-14T05:23:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I'll be reading right along and then wham...something hits me for one reason or another.
Right now I am reading Beth Moore's "Believing God" suggested by my awesome sister-in-law. There are a number of reason's I am reading it..but the opening quote today was:
"Faith is the only thing that will ever close the gap between our theology and our reality."

I try to picture the two moving closer together..theology in one hand...reality in another..and your faith moves them so close..that eventually- they are holding hands...walking in the same direction! :)

small town diners...

2011-03-11T10:20:00.000-08:00

might just have the best coffee. I might be going against the grain, might be destroying all hope for coffee supremacy, might suffer the wayward darts of coffee snubbery (not sure if that is a word) - BUT...I have been to two local cafe's this week...and neither one of them has Dunkin... or "bux" in their name and I have to say. yummo.
I shall go back. I shall drink more coffee and I shall be very happy. Coffee...good...price...even better. Actually, two coffees and a small breakfast cost AS MUCH as ONE peppermint mocha (my favorite) at the place with "bux" in it's name.
Don't get me wrong...there is always a love for those big names and their coffees..puhleeze! I'm a fan! Just saying, those lil guys...well they get it right too :)

I'll say it every year...

2011-03-10T05:44:00.000-08:00

Where did the past year go?? Mah baby is five. So, he's kinda not a baby. OF COURSE we looked through baby pics (and goodness knows I take a bunch) and it's fascinating to see the changes. Before Austin was born, three of us were pregnant all at the same time...and YUP..I was the LAST of the three. Two friends with their amazing new babies before March ever appeared on the calendar, I was huge, he decided to be a week late.
It's amazing that time really does fly and all three of those amazing babies all turned five in the past six weeks. It's hard not to be thankful for their health, their smiles and their overall amazing life journey so far.
It's amusing how different their life perspective is..I mean in five more years --- they will ALL be ten! (and their older siblings will be pre-teens! ugh)
Phrases that kill me from my kids:
"Way back in the 90's did you...."
"They had color tv when you were a kid??"
"I think she was way older than you mom..like 30 or something"
So many more..but I will try not to depress myself!
Today, we get to celebrate and I am sure I'll have plenty of "mom" moments and I'll probably say stuff like..
"Five years ago today..." haha

intentionally being intentional

2011-03-09T10:13:00.000-08:00

Deep title huh? Sometimes, more often than not, actions have to be intentional or else an entire day, week or month can go buy unaltered with things that "should have" been done or said. Intentionally being kind, intentionally investing in someone, intentionally getting work done or intentionally setting aside time to pray or be alone. It would seem easy to pull those things off, but when everyday unfolds and everyday our own lives wrap us up in our own little cocoon it can be more of a challenge than originally thought.
I can definitely slip off into my world and the rest of everyone passes by. This can totally be true if I'm working on a writing project or reading or simply just feeling like I need time away from everyone :) Those things are all GOOD! Don't get me wrong, but those things need less "intention" from me...that all comes super easy :). BUT, especially after a few challenges from our small group in Bethlehem..it's easy to see where we fall short of investing in others, loving others and intentionally finding ways to do so.
I have a few goals in my mind...
and no I'm not going to start a Jane Austen book club...well.... I'll never say never ;)

quote of the day..

2011-03-07T13:41:00.001-08:00

"I admire your enthusiasm, I question your intelligence..." haha, yup. this could just summarize SO MANY things :)

book clubs and slacker blogging...

2011-03-04T05:40:00.000-08:00

Kinda of a blogging slacker :) I have nothing profound to share or whimsical words to create...well at least not right this moment. So many things sometimes going on at once I just don't know where to start or what to pick from to write about..thus I got nothing!
however, I did watch the Jane Austen book club finally. AND..I liked it. There were a few things the movie could have done without...but overall it was worth watching and since I have only read through two of Jane's books, reading all six in a book club would be daunting...but perhaps I could be drawn in by the cute coffee shops and great food. Then I had to wonder...I don't know if I could actually find SIX people that would meet once a month for nothing more than to talk about books. I think I could find six people that would WANT to, but six people that actually could notch that out in their schedule...I am hesitant to say that's a possibility. Much more...they would actually have to have time to read the books!
THAT leads me to my next thought. Everyone's schedules seem so crazy, mine included. So, I have to wonder...if we really don't have time to read a book or simply meet together with loved ones and friends...what's our schedule really worth? Mine has gotten some revamping ...

Best sign off...

2011-02-18T11:18:00.001-08:00

When one signs their email,
In Love, Prayers, and Line Dancing.....
you know they rock...especially when they actually plan on going line dancing later :D Made me smile.

me.

2011-02-17T08:24:00.000-08:00

imperfection resides
love empowers
crying heals
and laughter renews
within me.

forgiveness overwhelms
memories ebb and flow
hope forges a new path
dreams come alive
within me.

A faithful friend
a wounded soldier of love
the warrior for your heart
a fierce protector
within me

good intentions
unraveled emotions
a hidden soul
uncharted frontiers
within me

faith leaps
prayer bounds
inspirations soars
simply me
within me.

My Weekly "Dan In Real Life " Moment...

2011-02-02T11:49:00.000-08:00

I love that movie. I know a lot of people that love that movie too! But I always ask myself...how many families REALLY get together like that and...put on skits, do a work out all together, play football in the yard and have tender moments in the random sequence. For me, it IS one of the reasons that make that movie endearing...I hope and pray most families can identify with at least on particular aspect of that movie in some way or another.
My weekly dose (outside my own fam of course) comes every Sunday morning. They are always out there, no matter what the weather...this family (that I don't know) and their weekly game of touch football. They are out there in the drizzle, snow and sun playing. The smallest of children cheer from the pulled down tailgates and the rest of em are out there gettin' it done. It's just fun to see a family/friends getting together to PLAY. No video games, movies or cell phones involved...good ol' fashion outdoor stuff.

So, one of these days I am going to get up the nerve to just stop and ask if I can photograph their game...wouldn't that be fun!?!?!
Gotta catch my "dan in real life" moment in action :D

on the couch...

2011-01-26T10:17:00.000-08:00

hmmm, ok so I didn't PLAN to spend my day on the couch, but that is where I am. Don't ask me how I hurt my back..but oh boy did I ever. So, with limited movement...i have been forced to fore-go the daily duties that usually beg my attention. Therefore the blessing in disguise is how much I can get done just sitting here.
For one, I already started working toward next week's deadline...that deserves a woot woot!! Edited a few pictures and worked on a few writing pieces.
I actually talked on the phone (thanks kristin!!) and just kinda have some time to hang out with my littlest man and watch a movie. I admit it's hard to sit still, but at the same time...not much i can do about it so I am enjoying some things I usually don't sit still to enjoy.
Painted toenails (for no other reason than because I can)
The beginning of a new novel
mindless channel flipping
guilt-free couch sitting
extra quiet time devos!
a few more children's books
blog stalking
sketched a few marketing ideas
ignoring laundry
ignoring dishes
extra snuggle time
just a few things while I sit here :)

a lil before and after

2011-01-21T15:26:00.000-08:00

It's what happens when I get snowed in. I dedicate one wall to J$ (pronounced Jay-money) just in case. Let's just go back to the original name shall we? And, the room is not done, but it was a start :)The colors were a little hard to come up with, oh well. They are on there now!

Resolution or Revolution

2011-01-20T08:20:00.000-08:00

I have a like/hate relationship with the whole New-Year's-resolution...gonna-set-big goals-for myself-in-the-new-year..type of thing. Like a guy in our Bible Study said... "New Year's resolution? Big woop. When you actually DO IT, then that's something to blog about." ha! Perhaps slightly cynical...but kinda true. Maybe we should set an End of the Year Revolution...looking back and saying..yup..mission accomplished.
I understand the concept...and though for the most part I try to be positive...resolutions leave me feeling "eh." Maybe it's because once I set out to do something, I aim to finish it or else it drives me crazy...there are negatives to that as well. SO I have a harder time with people who SAY they will do something...then don't. :) Though I have been guilty of such myself!
And seeing as how I am rambling... one common resolution is to lose weight. Oddly enough I received a trial magazine in the mail and it is one I would never choose to read or buy, but an article caught my eye about a woman who lost 150 pounds.
YIKES! But she was patient and diligent and she did it. She highlighted a few concepts that I thought were humorous but probably pretty effective.
SO!! For those of you who are poised to lose a few pounds this year... these were a few of her concepts:
1. Eat with chopsticks. (Ya gotta eat slower!)
2. Not every meal has to be a feast for the taste buds. Food is fuel...treat it as such.
3. If you mess up, don't vow to do better next week, vow to do better with the very next meal!!
4. You just gotta do it. People overcome trials every day. Get your butt off the couch and just do it. Mind over matter 90% of the time.
5. You are not a saint. If you are out with the girls, well enjoy a drink, enjoy a small dessert, but ladies...a banana split sundae followed by 2 glasses of wine and bread rolls with dinner...is not a treat. It's derailment!
6. Set a goal to run in a 5k ( erika i can hear your applause). or walk it! Pick a program (so many are out there - but for the ambitious i say p90x or Insanity) and for goodness sake..STOP WEIGHING YOURSELF! Pick a pair of pants ya wanna fit in and aim to try them on at the end of every month!
Ok, I think I'm done ;) and for those thinking and praying about the goals I shared with you ;) Here's to revolution baby!

So many things!!

2011-01-18T18:00:00.000-08:00

So many things on my mind and so many projects underway I can scarcely keep up with myself. I have unleashed on a few people and they know my objectives, my goals and my excitement for some things I am jumping into...
However, the other day I was by myself and I had a chance to just drive and take pictures. It was nice, relaxing and I took my time. I realize I am not alone very often. Between family, friends, children, work, church and school...there are very few moments alone. I have come to love those moments though. I used to think if I was alone I was missing out on something as if everyone else was out there doing something and with someone and I was missing out. I don't think that anymore. Obviously, I can't do everything all the time (though I still might try). There is something replenishing, thought provoking and creative-inducing about that time...by myself!

Great Expectations (Still not the novel) part II

2011-01-12T15:43:00.001-08:00

So...if you expect nothing from anyone you will never be disappointed? That was the question I got after the last post about expectations.
It's a nice thought. But it's still untrue. Of course you have to have a little balance with this concept I guess. You have to expect certain things from people.. but once again you are still in the driver's seat.
For one, I expect the teams I coach to be dedicated, focused and handle their time management responsibilities..however, I am somewhat responsible in make sure they are enabled to accomplish these things.
I expect my children to show respect...once again, something I have a hand in creating. I expect my good friends not to walk up and punch me in the face :). If they do...I suppose I should choose new friends! So, there will always be a certain level of expectation for people. I guess my point was, don't make YOUR expectations so high or so off course for someone that you are angry at them when they fall short.
Friends change loyalties, family members can be hurtful and children are imperfect...as we all are :)
So, checks and balance on that issue I guess.
Just a thought.

my thoughts; his thoughts

2011-01-10T17:24:00.000-08:00

Andrew and his thoughts...often leave me scrambling for answers. But today his thoughts were simply just that..thoughts.
He told me today he loved where we lived.
His thoughts : "Look at the sky, it's like a volcano erupted colors all over it."
My thoughts: I've seen many sunsets and never thought of it like that :)

Great Expectations...(Not the Novel)..Part 1.

2010-12-28T12:07:00.000-08:00

Expectations. Big word. Big Concept. Our pastor talked about our expectations and how our own expectations can lead to great disappointment or hurt feelings. Oddly enough my four year old demonstrated this perfectly when he received a gift from his teacher. He collapsed in tears when he opened his gift (at home) and found a book instead of a brand new train. Yup. "But she knows I like trains!" he quietly cried. I felt bad, he was so disappointed...but needless to say, his expectations were a little too great for the small gift bag he held in his hands.
It applies to so many things, our friends our family, holiday traditions, our bosses, our churches..the list goes on. Our expectations vs reality.
I admit,on more than one occasion my expectations have been too high and I have suffered disappointment. At some point you place a certain expectation on a person and they don't live up to what you have defined, you get angry or upset with them...but was it their fault? or mine? I think there is a balance there (but that is part II).
For instance, I think I can give a gift maybe with a great deal of personal investment which for me would be writing, a photograph, special music.. something from the heart and I can be all excited to leave it for someone on Christmas and it's met with a lukewarm gratitude. Hurt feelings? sure. Great expectations for my very own idea? *gulp* yes. Perhaps in my own grandeur I thought the gift was fantastic and I was "expecting" a great reaction. When it doesn't happen...feelings are hurt, resentment maybe? So many feelings can spawn of such an idea. I think we all do it to some point.
I have even done it to people. I expect them to handle something the way I would or better than what they are capable of...once again great expectations...great disappointment. Subconsciously I expect something from someone and when it doesn't happen, I am frustrated and maybe even angry with them. yikes. what an awesomely, ugly admission. But it's true. So, just a check point... are your great expectations leading to some hurt feelings? disappointment? maybe :)
Now..expecting great things from a great God...no disappointment there .

Santa baby...

2010-12-22T11:05:00.000-08:00

Over 80 and (my grandma) getting her first visit with Santa. Tell me if that doesn't put a smile on your face...not sure what will ;)

If nothing else watch the video

2010-12-17T06:17:00.000-08:00

This is how I spent my morning watching and listening to Graham and Randi's journey via Heartland Church in Indy. If you have a moment or a half hour while you are multi- tasking. Click on the link here and then click on "While you are waiting on a miracle". The video quickly summarizes their journey since Graham's accident. Then Graham's father preaches a little about the accident and the test of the faith that exudes from this. Graham and Randi then come on stage for a bit. However, if you have a quiet time...this is worth the investment. :)

We don't play holiday music...

2010-12-15T05:17:00.000-08:00

I don't listen to the radio much, but on my drive yesterday the station (a secular one) DJ said..."We don't play holiday music, but if you are looking for Christmas music, we are your station."
It was small, but it made me smile. Maybe it's just me but there seems to be a resurgence in using the word "Christmas" this year. It's as if there is a subtle, yet noticeable rebellion among many to go against the whole "holiday wishes" and wish someone a Merry Christmas. I had TWO cashiers wish me a Merry Christmas AND post office person do the same. What I say? Is it possible? And you know what happened? I wished them a Merry Christmas back and no lightning bolts struck us, no one fell over in the lobby because they heard such an exchange... yup..it was almost as if.... Christmas was coming...not some obscure holiday ;)

A breath away...

2010-12-10T05:44:00.000-08:00

That's all that stands between now and eternity. Today is going to be a long day for the Middleburgh community, school and extended family and friends of a young man who passed away yesterday. Sometimes, when you look back on an entire year you see how quickly it can go and fragile life is. No one holds a baby in their arms and wonders if by the time he graduates high school he will be facing the end of his life. That's hard stuff.

No one marries their true love wondering what will happen when they suffer a traumatic brain injury and no one expects that when their kiddo takes off in his car that the next phone call will be about the crash that followed one precarious turn in the road.

I could go on and on about people special to me or special to people close to me that have suffered enormous hurt this year. Heartache is only a breath away.

So. today. In the rush of the days events, breathe in and breathe out...and be thankful for that very miracle. Tonight, when you put your kids to sleep, put your cheek on their chest and listen to the rise and fall of their breathing, kiss your loved ones, say your sorry, pass out a few free hugs and perhaps most importantly, open your Bible and decide what this life (as quickly lived as it can be) is about. God knows the heartache, the soul searching, the aches in the pains, so His love is the only substance gracious enough to fall into. Reconcile your heart, For God so loved the world... it's a popular verse because it's true...but we are to choose Him. Now, when the hearts are weak and perspective is ripened with the curse of reality, God is there.

In the stalls....

2010-12-05T18:20:00.000-08:00

When one walks into the famous Metropolitan Museum of Art the last thing you would expect is one of the highlights of the entire endeavor to occur in the bathroom. So, there we were...Crystal and I in the middle of Manhattan taking a little "break" from the photography exhibit only to overhear a trio of 80-year-old southern belles in the bathroom.
"This paper is sooooo rough," says one southern laden accent to another from the stall.
"It hurt my bum, who knew paper could be so rough," explains the next stall over while the third primps her hair in the mirror.
We try not to giggle, but the conversation was just hysterical.
"Who brought this paper in here anyway? The Russians?" At that I think we burst into giggles. The conversation ricocheted back and forth until they assured themselves that toilet paper had never been so rough and their bums were sure to be sore.
After Crystal said hello and they commented on her earrings...they did mention they were three widows traveling together making the most of their lives now. It was an "ah ha" moment, the next great American Novel...could surround those three ladies. But it was also reminder of how great they were making their lives. Loved ones had been lost, but they were making the most and enjoying the time they had now....maybe not including the METs tissue paper ;)

Thanksgiving Night..

2010-11-27T07:34:00.000-08:00

Is a favorite. I love it because the TRULY excited people (But not the overly crazy) have their Christmas lights on already. I pretend it's just for me (haha)..as we drive home in the dark, with tummy's full and barely awake. The lights that eluded me for the days prior are now "on". It is almost like there is an unspoken code about WHEN it's ok to start getting ready for Christmas and when it is proper to put the lights up. I am good with Thanksgiving night - I like to look on my drive home.
Thanksgiving night, I will then admit, did including watching the Taylor Swift Thankgiving special featuring her new album, which I am still acclimating too. I mean, I like it and it IS moving up on my scale of appreciation...it didn't blow me away. I still haven't downloaded ALL the albums I want..Josh Groban, Sarah McLachlan and Joshua Radin...I think there is more but I can't think right now.

Irony - it wasn't too long ago that stores were banning Christmas music, this year..it seems Christmas music was playing before Halloween.

Did I Just Do That???

2010-11-17T09:13:00.000-08:00

Yup. I did. Confrontation is not my thing, not even close. But last week in the mall in Albany I had to put the end to a screaming two year old's tantrum in the hallway. Mind you, if you know me at all, you will know this was slightly out of character... :) However, as I sat in a restaurant and the screams of the child escalated for five, ten and nearly 15 minutes without another adult in sight and entire restaurant murmuring about the situation with things were getting a little uncomfortable. I heard one woman lean over to another and say"some parents should be shot." YIKES! I began to feel like I was on that show "What Would You Do". If you have not seen it, it's a fantastic show. No camera's were in sight as far as I could tell, but I eventually was the one that meandered out to the hallway and gently, nicely (and with knees shaking) talked to the child and found her mother who was, believe it or not, just standing in line at a store a mere 10 feet away. Sigh.

The mom was twice my size and a wee bit taller so as she approached me...I could feel my insides churning and silently begged her not to scream at me in the middle of the mall. I can't think of a bigger set up for a huge confrontation then when you approach another mom about her child... (mama bear syndrome on high alert) Then I looked back over my shoulder and I was like... a whole restaurant had my back at this point. The conversation was short and I felt like I had to apply some survival mode awareness. "don't let them sense fear"..not sure what that applies too, but I did my best! I don't think I make a friend that day nor did we go out for coffee to discuss how to deal with screaming children in the mall. But the screaming at least had stopped.

Not sure what made me do it, I had friend tell me it's what coaching has done to me... enough parental confrontations and I'm a pro ;)

So, to make myself feel better I went to starbucks where I watched a little girl sit at at table and color while her mom read a novel. Much more my speed. :)

I shot an 8-pointer...

2010-11-08T18:35:00.000-08:00

with my camera of course and was so bummed that I did not have my telephoto lens with me! However, this dude was just hanging out in the fields when I drove by. I have to admit..I thought it was one of those fakes that people put in their front yards for some reason I have yet to even understand yet.... but this guy was real. Oh so very real. :)

If.

2010-11-07T18:55:00.000-08:00

If you knew the ending,
would you still let me write my story?
If my sky let stars fall
would you make a wish for me?
If my truth lay hidden
would you search it out?
and if I failed more than I succeeded
would you believe in me?

It's illegal to text and drive...but what about..

2010-10-27T06:56:00.000-07:00

Taking pictures? Ok, I wasn't really driving. I pulled over like a responsible, law abiding citizen and snapped this picture of Vroman's Nose in Middleburgh. It's the signature trademark of the Schoharie Valley and I see it every time I drive, our soccer field sits in the forefront and during the fall it's just amazing. The fog rolled in yesterday morning and it just looked..well..cool :)

I think people's most endearing qualities...

2010-10-21T20:16:00.000-07:00

are the ones they try to hide:)
Honestly....I got to thinking about it after listening to this song, by Blake Sheldon...about one million times. I love knowing someone can admit that they dance in the kitchen or they sit and watch cartoons with no kids around. I like it when I find out someone laughs out loud at their own jokes and can willingly admit their flaws...cuz honestly that's the good stuff. So many times we try to keep it together in front of others (guilty) that when we unravel a little bit - that's when we fall in love with people and find we are more alike then ever imagined. It's just a thought, but yea - I kinda like the song :)

Ever wonder what makes people think of you...

2010-10-14T19:29:00.000-07:00

There are things, situations, songs, sights, sounds and smells that bring certain people to mind. Ever wonder what makes people think of you? I'm going the positive route here, not wondering what people may want to kick my bum around...actually- maybe I would want to know!
Anyway, a song pops on and it can bring me right to a person and a situation or a smell can remind me of something someone made one time. I can hardly process every thought of every day, but it's amazing what small thing can bring someone to mind. We probably all do it more than we realize.
I heard a line on a show the other night and I chuckled knowing exactly who, in my reality, would say something like that. A summer night, a cold chill, a verse, a specific coffee mug, a place I have been before and seen again from a distance, a quiet moment, a disjointed giggle for a hidden joke that only a certain someone would know..yup I could go on.
certain things trigger certain thoughts of certain someone(s), so ya kinda gotta wonder...how that works...vice versa :)

The Paradox of Life

2010-10-03T12:26:00.000-07:00

That was the title of the sermon at church this morning and the short video clip has been running through my mind all day. I may not remember them all, so I might have to add more later as I let it run through my mind.

Here it goes:

We have taller buildings, but shorter tempers.
We have more technology, computers and smart phones but less effective communication.
We have bigger homes for smaller families.
We have conquered outer space, but are out of touch with our inner space
We have more professionals and yet more problems.
We have more tv channels and nothing good to watch
We have elaborate houses, but broken homes
We have more degrees, but less common sense
We have more conveniences, but less time.
We buy more and enjoy 'things' less
We have more money, but more debt
We have a bigger social network, but we feel more alone
We know how to rush, but have forgotten how to wait
Under a starry sky we are in awe of the design, but we ignore the Designer.

Shoot The Moon

2010-09-24T05:21:00.001-07:00

I don't have the lens power to get the moon like it needs to be "had"... but it was still so fun to try last night while it was as BRIGHT as ever. My favorite one became my blog header :) enchanting to say the least!

Kitchen Inspiration

2010-09-24T05:03:00.000-07:00

So let's cut right to it. I am not culinary artist. In fact, I am barely scratching the service of creative when I get into the kitchen. It's no secret to anyone that knows me. Don't get me wrong, I am tons of food and people eat here two or three nights a week, which I love. BUT I don't deviate much from what I know. I have a dear friend, no matter when she comes over or what she cooks, she more than once has said .."well I was looking around for new recipes..." Yea, I don't do that ...much. Mc CORMICK may saved my mundane existence..maybe. I hate to be a commercial ... but check it out here. I just bought that one...they are less than $2. I had to laugh, because tho I was on my way to step out and try something new, the first one I bought was for Shrimp Primavera - which I make regardless. Oh well, it's my internal struggle with change seeping right through to the things I cook ;)

"I like" just a simple read...so i posted it...

2010-09-20T20:28:00.000-07:00

A touch is just in the skin

a look is just in the eyes

but what in your skin

makes my heart quicken

what in your eyes

makes my heart nearly stop

A word is simply spoken

a smile just a curve of the lips

what in your voice makes me sigh

and in your smile makes me dream

A poem is nothing more than words

a song just merely chords

so why does your rhyme bring me tears

and your sonnet never leave my mind

One night you could walk out the back door...

2010-09-16T18:40:00.000-07:00

This was on my right

and this was on my left...no joke.

Here, There and Everywhere

2010-09-12T14:36:00.000-07:00

I was told I was crazy :) yup, someone said it right to my face.... of course he said it in jest, but I know he meant it. Why? First and foremost because I willingly work with 19 teenage girls from August to November every year. I LOVE this time of year. I don't completely fall in love with the fall, because in my heart I want more summer, but I love the soccer season. I honestly can't remember a time in my life where fall didn't bring soccer -as a player or as a coach. Every year it's always a bunch of work to get ready, to prepare 19 girls to work together for a common goal.... so that is where I was told I was crazy. I add coaching to working, parenting - not to mention embarking upon a small, new photography business that has kept me in a whirlwind of work the past two months!
I say all that - because playing soccer was a passionate endeavor, coaching soccer is a whole new, amazing passion that gives you extreme highs and lows that can't be created anywhere else.
This past week, I watched a girl hit the shot of her life...just as her father was getting out of his car and rushing to get to the field. After the game - he was bursting with pride at what she had done...and he should have been - it was an incredible hit. But, it was special to watch her face light up as her dad recounted the seconds leading up to and following her goal. It was a moment among hundreds and I have many more I could go on and on about - but that was the most recent. So, yea- I am crazy :) But I love the crazy.
I also realize- I am much more energized during the fall and had to wonder what that was all about. I think - it's because I am doing something that I love and that spills over. So may I suggest, if there is something you absolutely love to do, take some time this week and do it! Draw, write, create, run, laugh, sing really loud for no reason, write a song, dream, praise the Lord you are alive to see today - oh..and come watch us play ;)

a few ramblings...

2010-08-30T20:20:00.001-07:00

If I asked why
would you have an answer?
I don't think you would
searching for secrets underground
smiles ride the wind
nightmares cling to memories
dreams escape with wings
if you could hold me
i would let you

sometimes...

2010-08-27T12:58:00.000-07:00

you wish you could understand people :)
and sometimes...maybe it's best you didn't.
I think it is what makes life interesting..
or at the very least..never boring.
I saw this :
Some people let go easy
Some people are easy to let go of
Sometimes it's easier to let go
then be the one left behind

I had to wonder what the person was thinking when they wrote it. Lots of ways to go with that. Lost love? Broken friendship? The passing of a loved family member? There are definitely people I apply those few sentences too, but thankfully not many :)
God has richly blessed me with real friends and a steadfast family...so for those that come and go...I am secure in those that come and and decide to never go.

Photo (s) of the Week (s) :)

2010-08-21T09:01:00.000-07:00

Seriously - one of the best colors in a sunset I have ever seen. It was even taken on my lil point and shoot camera... beeeeautiful!

Today was a good day...

2010-08-14T20:35:00.000-07:00

If you breathed in and out
you let a good memory invade your thoughts
you tasted food
or your favorite drink quenched your thirst.

Today was a good day
if you smiled
or if you cried
emotions are priceless

Today was a good day
if you could name at least one person that loves you
you could name one person you love
or you simply have known love

Today was a good day
if one foot could be put in front of the other
you turned your face toward the sunshine
your skin felt cool in a breeze

Today was a good day
if you swatted away an annoying bug
put your barefeet in the grass
or had a bbq with your family

Today was a good day
if you got to work
stressed over your tasks
and still managed to cross off a few "to-do's"

Today was good day
if you could wake up
find your way through another day
and fall asleep tonight.

Only because, I did those things today...and though none of them are seemingly a big deal...I know someone dear to my heart who could not.

Would you like some water?

2010-08-11T20:39:00.001-07:00

It was a simple question, but it hit me. One of my closest friends from college met tragedy face to face last week. It happened so fast, one minute we were 14 hours apart and the next we were in the halls outside the ICU nearing midnight in Albany, NY. Stranger things have happened, but wow. The story is on Facebook under Praying For Graham if you are a facebooker.
However, it was night #2 as she sat in the halls wondering why her brother had to suffer a traumatic brain injury in an accident. It was all very eerie for me, hearing the same diagnosis as my brother had when he was hurt a few years ago. The shock in her face was still unsettled as the events wreaked havoc with her emotions.
However, while we sat there together (the halls felt uncommonly dark) an elderly gentleman needed a seat. Her husband sat next to me and moved our bags off the seat and we all smiled. Nice right? Complacent actually. My friend stood up and looked over at the man..."Do you need a drink of water?" he shook his head and said thank you. "Are you sure?" She continued. "Do you need anything, I would get it for you?"
Though the man didn't take her up on her offer, her ability to think outside of her own circumstances was unbelievable to me. I remember barely hanging on to sanity when it my brother, but in the simplest of fashions, she made sure the elderly man in the halls with us was ok.
The whole idea goes with her brother's song "People Matter" which is out on his CD. Get it, it's good :)
It was a simple question, but to the man in the hall it was gesture of real kindness. For my friend, it spoke volumes about her...she wasn't too wrapped up in her own nightmare to see a need in another human being. I am thinking, I noticed that for a reason.

What Not To Say...

2010-08-09T17:26:00.000-07:00

Ya know the book ... Eat This Not That. If it hasn't already been written...I may have to venture to write a "Say This, Not That" series.
In times of crisis it IS hard to know what to say when you are in the midst of someone facing the worst day of their life. Sometimes, it's nearly impossible to write something in a card or say something of comfort. If you don't know what to say...then say that. Admit it. Admit you have no words of comfort, admit you might not understand the pain they are going through, admit that even throwing out a Bible verse might not be the best thing at the moment.
Our pastor had a great sermon two weeks ago on using the verse Romans 8:28 when you are looking to comfort someone who is hurting. To sum it up...Don't use it. That's a hard concept to swallow when you are looking crisis in the face. Trust me, I had someone email it to me one time after my brother's accident...I can't begin to describe what went through me then...so. I won't. :)
I happened to purchase Ken Ham's "How Could a Loving God...." a few weeks ago and let me tell you, the timing couldn't have been better. As I have watched people I love like my own family hurt and cry this past week, so many questions come up. My faith has been challenged. This book is really wonderful, it digs deep into those questions and answers with verses other than Romans 8:28 ;) and keeps the faith rather than destroying it.
So I will have to think on my concept of "say this, not that". I think it necessary :) I know whenever tragedy hits people are moved, emotional and reach out in a desperate hope to those they know are hurting. However, its hard to filter through "good intentions" when you are the one trying to make it to another day and sometimes people's words just make it worse.
A few key ideas...don't say "I know how much this hurts." Don't say it, unless you have lived it.
"God is in control" - though I fully believe this is true- it unleashes an anger in people..because the inevitable "why" questions is on stage next...thus...the book by Ken Ham. It's an easy read, if you are Christian - this book is almost a must. It asks some tough questions about this imperfect life. God IS in control, but the answers to tragedy, to life are not summed up in a neat little package...but the within the beautiful disaster of life, we have hope, we have promises and we have the tools to navigate it all.

It wasn't the reunion we had planned...

2010-08-04T19:53:00.000-07:00

Anyone close to me knows this week has been tough. With the traumatic accident hurting families near and dear to me, it's been a challenge emotionally and spiritually. My best friends from college are all descending upon the beautiful city of Albany, but for a reason none of us had planned. A young man was hurt in a rodeo accident and suffered a brain injury. As he still "sleeps" it's a all too familiar feeling watching sisters, mothers, brothers, friends and a beautiful young wife try to stay together and face this huge obstacle before them.
Oddly enough, three roomies from college and best friends who haven't seen each other in years have been hugging, smiling and seeing each other again for the first time within the hallways outside of the ICU at Albany Med.
It's scary not knowing the outcome, knowing that only God has the answers and we merely have to abide in the knowledge that He has the control and not us. We have to understand that there may not be understanding right now and that the questions are enumerable. But faith binds us together, a family ravaged by a tragedy is emerging strong in the Lord and though it's not the reunion we had planned, we are all in it together. Miles have melted away this week, distance is a stranger, crisis demands attention....And together... we pray for Graham.

It comes in threes...

2010-07-30T06:51:00.000-07:00

or so I was told. I am not sure about that, but the past couple of weeks have unfolded a bunch of mishaps all glued together...and more than three!
*A disclaimer - the following post is not a complaint, merely a re-telling of events so that either you will laugh at the unfortunate or it will comfort you to know..it happens to everyone.

July 4th - after several problems...it finally happened...all systems in the house backed up. No toilets, no showers and very quick dish washing. Having company over was a little daunting so visitors were limited;) So, without much warning - soon enough our front lawn was dug up only to reveal a calamity of errors in a previous septic system. awesome.
Simultaneously in the transfer of a BUNCH of money from one financial institution to another..it was lost. Yup. lost. After a million hours on the phone and three days of stress, the money was found.
AND who wouldn't love to be on one of the most heavily traveled roads in Albany just in time to have your car stall...but God allowed me to find the side of the road and at least get the car into a parking lot..where the problem was actually pretty minor.
Went to a concert...had a blast..but lost the tickets in the car somehow and overshot my exit, only to turn around and come face to face with all the traffic of opening day at the Saratoga Race Track and THEN Brad Paisley never even mentioned my name...sheesh.
I was all excited when I purchased my NEW camera only to find out a week later my credit card had never been charged because the register failed and the purchase was "never made".
I went to mow part of the lawn with the push mower, the one wheel rusted out and fell off which only led to use using the riding mower - which also had a part come loose and the a piece of the deck fell out, used the weed trimmer...and the string went far far away somewhere. ( I hate landscaping anyway).
Austin ended up with 102 fever for a few days and the short cut I took last week....was not so much a short cut as it was a scenic drive :)

All - in-all nothing horrible and life changing, could have been better, definitely could have been worse. I have to admit, at some point you just laugh and wonder...what next? A friend and I did manage to pound five cheese burgers, three snack wraps and a giant coke....so that was perk!
Now its a quiet morning. I have had two days all to myself (and a night) and its easy to reflect on the good stuff - like toilets that flush.

Picture of the week....(but only cuz I FINALLY got my new camera!)

2010-07-27T18:17:00.001-07:00

Once Upon A Time...

2010-07-21T07:04:00.000-07:00

you take it from there ;)

does this count as pic of the week?

2010-07-18T20:08:00.001-07:00

I told Austin to be serious.... this is the face I got....

Closet Novelists Are Everywhere...

2010-07-18T14:52:00.001-07:00

You see them in grocery stores, they stalk blogs, you may even hang out with them and have no idea they can venture to lands far away and put together stories that maybe the world would want to read.

In the past couple of months I have had heard at least three people say, "If I was going to write a book, I would write about..." and let me tell you...the ideas are really good!!! The idea of writing to express thoughts is nothing new, but it is certainly a thread that connects millions of people...I mean...how many blogs do you think exist in this world? Most of them are for personal outreach whether it be writing, journaling, keeping up with family, posting humor and sharing thoughts. It's amazing how many people even admit they have scratched down a few ideas and even logged hours writing out a story that someone may or may not ever read. The idea of writing a novel is a romantic notion. Your name on a cover and the dream of walking into Barnes and Noble with your book on the shelf. However, the journey to get to that point is less romantic, less idea and slightly grim....just ask a few potential authors-in-the-making that are struggling to find someone to publish their thoughts.

So, though most of the population will never be on the top 10 best sellers list, I believe there are masterpieces in closet spaces. It's hard for the "writers" to lend their thoughts to would-be critics or friends, it's like opening up a very vulnerable space with the fear that it will be rejected, scorned or that your "great" idea is rather...not-so-great.

But, whether or not the writer in you is resistant to share or comfortable in opening up, I hope if you love to write...that you write regardless of what the published world has to offer :)

I MIGHT even have scratched down one or two thoughts myself ;)

And So It Begins...

2010-07-08T18:53:00.000-07:00

To see a passion of my own spark just a small interest in my own children...well, I have to admit, it's exciting. It must be what a painter sees when his child presents his first watercolor masterpiece or when a musician hears her little one singing in the back seat completely on key or the novelist watching his son evolve into a bookworm...something of you can be seen in them. They may never do more than dip a toe in the shore of what is a vast ocean of interest for me, but at least they know it, at least they feel what its like to be out there with a ball at their feet. They came off the fields with smiles, sweaty faces and smelly shin guards...and the memories came rolling back. It's not my turn anymore...it's theirs and they may love it as I did or they may not. The choice is theirs....but tonight...at least they found a liking to something I have loved :)

Just a snapshot...

2010-07-08T10:18:00.000-07:00

I kinda sorta forgot my "picture of the week" detail. So, I will make up for it. Actually, I have a good enough excuse that I have been busy with work as an actual photographer..so if I was to have a good excuse, I like that one. But, this shot was neat - everyone loves that late summer sun just before its sets on the day. The kids had been fishing and left the pole leaning against the bench they were using. I liked it - so - I shot it :

Breaking The Norm...

2010-06-26T19:36:00.000-07:00

This is gonna be deep..so watch out!

Since four wonderful, amazing and talented friends have posted their "1 million reasons I love summer" blogs...I'm gonna deviate. I am going to break the norm..I am going to say the 10 things I hate about summer...

1) bugs and their bug bites

2)spiders and the way they think they can just hang out in the corners and you'll never see them.

3)people who try to convince me camping is fun

4)getting thrown into various bodies of water

5)blisters on my toes from sandals I haven't worn in 10 months

6)sweaty armpits...

7)bee stings

8)pretending I am going to start some sort of garden type thing

9) Rainy days when the weatherman said it was supposed to be 85 and sunny

10) I don't think I have 10...cuz ..um....I am a HUGE summer fan ;)

there.

Camp fires, counter tops and kitchen tables....

2010-06-17T12:18:00.000-07:00

The three best places for conversations :) The past two weeks have been gifts for fantastic people and intriguing conversation and well, they all took place out at our camp fire, at the counter or at my kitchen table. I am not sure there is just one element that allows conversation to unfold and even allow some of my friends to peel back some layers and be a little more exposed. I am certainly surrounded by fascinating people. It may be the ambiance of a crackling fire late at night or the calming of the dim lights at the counter top or the relaxing consumption of food that can turn dinner conversation into debates, story telling and lots of laughter. Whatever the trigger may be, it's always fun for me to dig a little deeper into the people I am around just about every day!

I DID learn that ONE of my friends has the gift of guitar and from what I hear, rumor has it that his voice is pretty good....so...I'm thinking....a camp fire might just be the place to unravel this little bit of talent. See, I am safe knowing he won't read this...but those who know him will..and I say...pass the news on..it's out there. I even have the song picked out...so if you are around in late August...that's his deadline. :D

PS: maybe after today - I can add picnic table. ya just neva know.

Anyway- its been an interesting couple of weeks and I say, my kitchen table, counter, and camp fires are always open. :)

connections

2010-06-11T07:00:00.001-07:00

I set a goal for this week, it was small...but I did it. I touched base with three photographers far better and more experienced than myself and I'm really excited about it. I don't know all of them personally, but I feel like I do now! The process of growing in this field is ongoing and the learning never ending. I'll list them here in a bit because if I think they are fantastic and definitely top notch. So, here's to garnering as much as I can and improving as much as possible.

Pics and thoughts.

2010-06-11T04:59:00.000-07:00

I ALMOST forgot to post my pic for the week. Actually, there wasn't a lot because THE picture of the week will forever be in my mind as I didn't have my camera with me. Lesson learned. Well, maybe.

I read that if you have to explain a photograph or a picture, it probably isn't that good. :) haha. But I will enumerate regardless. Have ever gone to a venue that is usually busy and active, but returned when its empty and quiet? I've walked onto a soccer field before a huge game before anyone else has come. It's silence is very unique and calming. Recently after a championship softball game I was covering, this bag was accidently left behind (eventually recovered).

The field had just been vacated after the well attended competition and it was ironic that the main ingredient of the game itself remained. So, perhaps not explaining the photograph, but explaining why it was taken!

Also ironic because I think we all have our moments where we feel we are really important, perhaps to someone or to some event, but once that time is over we feel left behind or cast aside. It's like we make an investment and then...well...in the very place we were cheered on....we are somewhat forgotten. But, then again if we are sticking with sports metaphors...I guess you have to ask if you always play to win or you simply play for the love.

Summer is for....

2010-06-05T11:10:00.000-07:00

so many things I can hardly list...reading, concerts, bonfires, swimming, birthdays! oh and tons of family and friend time. However, my summer reading list is daunting...I wanna read everything. It all started with a friend giving me four books ( two of which are Nicholas Sparks) and then I walked into Barnes and Noble with my friend Stacey - with the idea to "browse". I was not successful. I bought my latest James Patterson fix (for $6!!) I blame stace. ;)
THEN.. my mom suggested Outrageous Grace - written by Grace Fabian - a missionary tied to the church I grew up in whose husband was killed while translating the Bible into the Nabak language in Papua New Guinea. I actually remember that happening, but I was really young, so if you are game for a pretty raw story - check it out here.
And finally I really want to read The Wednesday Letters... my list continues, but those are a few calling out to me on the book shelf ;)
Concerts - yup. 2 so far!
and hopefully a little theater at the end of August :D
This summer is going to fly.

Dear Price Chopper Lady...

2010-06-02T07:06:00.000-07:00

My sincerest apologies for my actions Monday afternoon. I was one of those people I would blog about, you know, the kind that seems like they are in a rush and they don't take the time to appreciate what is around them. I was the one wielding the cart like a NASCAR driver through the produce aisle with reckless abandon. You see, I was trying to get to a friend's house before 2! I was trying desperately to get to the strawberries and then whip around to the corn, but you see you somehow stopped your cart on one side and were browsing the produce on the other...I couldn't squeeze through...and then someone was behind me... I was stuck. Stuck in the produce section with the clock ticking away...waiting for another text message to pick up something ;) It was a pressure cooker situation! I tried to say excuse me, but you weren't really listening...so I merely nudged your cart and tried to slip past you without notice. I MAY have brushed by you slightly causing you to give me a dirty look, which I probably deserved, but I was on a mission. I was on mission for corn, chips and strawberries and I had only so much time to get there.

So, perhaps we both lack in supermarket etiquette. I should be more patient and plan my route better and well maybe none of us should park our cart on one side of the aisle and shop in the other...it's just not aisle savvy.

Perhaps when you are browsing the Internet and I am sure you do, you seem like the browsing type...you could accept my apology.

I won't ramble on about lawn sale etiquette (tag sale, yard sale, garage sale whatever you call em.) Sometimes, really...junk is really junk...it's not a treasure for ANYONE. Ok, I'm done. phew.

Do you have.....

2010-06-01T12:19:00.000-07:00

somone you trust? I mean, REALLY trust. I hope everyone has at least one. I ask, because it's an easy word to say. It is not an easy word to FEEL. There are plenty of people I like, plenty of people I enjoy, but few I can really, really trust.

Whether it be one person or several or different people for different things, everyone should have at least one person they can go to and be able to breathe. That one person you feel you can confess anything too and they would still wrap you up in a hug, that one person you can admit your faults to and they still can say they love you, the one person who sees the ugly side and makes you feel more beautiful because of it.

It seems like a simple question until you really start to dig around inside yourself and you kind grimace at your blemishes or squirm under your secrets - but somehow- it is easier to breathe when you have someone who knows all that too and confirms...that you are somehow still huggable ;)

Sometimes, I think trust is bigger than love itself, but that's just me :) So, I hope you have that, I do.

So they are building a new house...

2010-05-27T06:53:00.000-07:00

Yup. My parents decided (without my consent believe it or not) to build a new house. It's not very far from where they are now, a little more obscure, away from two busy roads and sunk into the woods where I am sure my dad will relish the quiet and privacy...mom might need to get on a "chat" more now and then:)
I am truly excited for them, but wow! We have lived in the house where they are now for MOST of my life. I am sure they will have the same nostalgic quandries I do, but it will be weird to relinquish the rights to just drive up that driveway and walk into the house.
I am not a HUGE Miranda Lambert fan... but this song...well..mite have to claim it for awhile... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQYNM6SjD_o

It's funny I remember getting my room and thinking it was "my own", my very new room to which I completed it with lavender walls and unicorn bed sheets. I didn't learn to play guitar in my room, but I learned to write. I spent HOURS handwriting novels, yes hundreds of pages and I still have them. Of course, now I look at them and giggle, but back then, it was a brilliant masterpiece that would one day meet publication - I was sure of it ;) It will be sad saying good -bye to the house that owns most of your childhood memories and since I am SOOO good with change...I am sure I will adjust quickly :)

All in all - it will be an awesome move from my parents..I mean, they will be about two miles out of my way when I drive to work, but I guess it's not TOTALLY about me :D

OH and in a totally unrelated topic...
My song that I was belting out when I missed my exit after a photoshoot..is this one... luv it :) FREE - Zac Brown Band.... seriously - play it really loud while your driving...you might miss your exit too..it could happen.

Might not always get this lucky...

2010-05-22T18:01:00.000-07:00

but as far my finding a photo of the week...this bald eagle made it happen. I was photographing another event - and he just flew overhead....cool huh?

Another Austin moment..

2010-05-19T09:58:00.001-07:00

As he curls up beside me this morning and asks to snuggle...I have a mom moment..."of course you can." So we snuggle and watch Dinotrain together....to complete this moment, he looks up at me with big brown eyes and says.."I love you mama,"

Ah. such sweetness..and then..

"But I love chocolate too, actually I REALLY love chocolate and trains and dinosaurs and race cars and bulldozers and cement mixers."

So close to a Hallmark moment....at least I made the list ;)