The blog continued to discuss authenticity. How authentic am I? Well, I don't try and deceive anyone, but I really don't jump into heart-baring conversations either. Why? Well, when I read through the article I realized I felt the same way as the author, because if I bare my heart, at some point I will have to admit I struggle, I fear an I judge. Those are all very unattractive admissions and they don't really go with the persona of someone who has it all together. So, then I would have to admit...(gulp) pride. Because, I want to have everything together (and who doesn't) and I don't want anyone to think that perhaps I struggle, or I fear or I have a bad day.
I talked with one of my best friends from college one time about being outgoing and social, but never really sharing our "inner workings" ( I think that was the phrase we used and laughed at ). So, I asked...am I authentic? I want to be.. and even now I struggle to admit that perhaps i am not always genuine...because now I have to post this and then someone will be like..."Wha? She ain't real?"
So what's the payoff to being real? Well, it's reciprocal. If I am real with one person, that person is real back...(not always,but so far so good). If I take down that "everything is great" smile for just a second and get real, I realize that other people are willing to share the fact that they struggle, they fear, they judge and sometimes they feel alone in those admissions...ah.....so everyone MAY NOT have it as together as I think they do...we all may be on a different page, but I think we are in the same book.
Another payoff...it's not all "misery Loves company", but once you get to the point of sharing what is real, then when you are truly happy...that can shine through too....no fake smile included. This is a work in progress for me. I just highlighted half of this to delete it:) But decided to post as is. (gulp)
Now just for clarification...I am not about to run around and discuss touchy-feely subjects over every cup of coffee, but with certain friends and family it is ok to peel off the "yup I got it all together" look and admit... "I didn't make the bed this morning."
7 comments:
I think some of the people I know suffer from the opposite syndrome - being TOO real. Being TOO frazzled & complaining. I agree that sometimes you want to hear that; it reassures you that you aren't alone. On the other hand, I also feel more stress when I talk to people like that because I feel like I need to help them! as IF I can help them. maybe I'm just around the wrong people. :)
But yeah authenticity is a major deal. If you can get real with someone then you have found a diamond-in-the-rough friend. I treasure those kinds of people and I have been blessed by them over the years, that's for sure.
Me personally, not being a mom but having had the year I've had - sometimes I am also TOO REAL - trust me a lot of people couldn't tolerate hearing about my 'reality' last year, so i had to fake it. :) it's not easy for me though, which I guess is a good thing, but sometimes there is such a thing as social decorum...ha!!!
For the record you can ALWAYS be real with me. :)
Yup I agree with you on every point... I guess its about some sort of balance.
And your "reality" last year was as authentic as it gets...and if people can't deal with THAT! Then...... well I won't type my thoughts on that;)
I too, have been blessed some truly real people..not the complaining kind...just the authentic ones!!! But ur awesome and real all the same!! And seriously...do either one of us really understand social decorum???haha!
And I reciprocate your last line..fo sho!
Well said,I think this all starts when we'r young and get hurt then build this wall around our feeling and emotions so we won't/can't get hurt to those levels again. I think that is why "family weather blood or b/s in christ" are so vital to our walk as a christen to really show what the love of GOD looks like and be willing to be hurt so we can love to the depts that GOD loves us.ed
amber, awesome post. i like the real stuff! and yup, we all have bad days...ur allowed! and seriously..making the bed is totally overrated!!
Christy
I can't say anything about bed-making. My wife ALWAYS makes the bed...so um... the authentic stuff is good though! haha.
ryan
Wasn't that movie...Along came Polly..where Ben Stiller counted the number of minutes per day he spends putting pillows on and off the bed? and it was like four days a year just putting pillows on the bed.....yea. that's my point. who wants to spend four days a year making the bed ;) sorry mom.
I can wholeheartly connect with your disertation on honesty. To be honest and authentic i would need to let people see the real ED and sometomes I hate to say I dont't like him or his actions at all. To be that vulnerable goes against our self preservating nature that we show the WORLD as christens, when we feel so much like the very people we are tring not to be. To be willing to be authentic I think is a step towards being the Christians we so want to be but are afraid to be. If I go any deeper I think I might drown..LOL ed
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