Jealous(y) and Pride(ugh)

Does it really take until you are in you thirties to admit an ugly characteristic such as a jealousy and then realize it is because of pride (ugh) that you haven't really admitted that characteristic is a part of you?

Yup.

I am not sure how many of my friends (if any) or family would define me as a jealous person. If someone were to ask me if I get jealous I would quickly admit no! But, there have been a few instances in the last month where something has happened or someone(s) have done something and I can't understand why I am bothered.... I had a LONG drive to work last night with lots of alone time in the car and I thought about why certain things bothered me. After lots of dismissing and admitted and finally concluding...it was simple...I was jealous. What an ugly word. AND THEN..to top it off... I had a hard time admitting that...because I was too proud. Awesome - double whammy.

I hate to admit and now I am putting it out there ( not a usual thing for me). SO...perhaps a triple whammy?!

I won't detail the reasons I have come to this conclusion...but even something this morning hit me wrong...and I was like shoot! There it is again!

It's weird - I am not envious of 'things'. I am never jealous of the bigger house, the nicer car, or even (gulp) the better camera...ok maybe sometimes;)

But really, I realize I am jealous of time. Time with certain people, family, friends...I could detail this - but I won't. It's just a work in progress and it only took 31 years and a long drive to a shoot an event last night. I just have to be careful how that translates or WHY ...maybe throw some insecurity into the mix - I have a whole pot of awesomeness :)

I hope this doesn't sound negative...it was just an observation. Not a great one...BUT the positive thing... I admitted it...and then I blogged it....phew!