What Not To Say...

Ya know the book ... Eat This Not That. If it hasn't already been written...I may have to venture to write a "Say This, Not That" series.
In times of crisis it IS hard to know what to say when you are in the midst of someone facing the worst day of their life. Sometimes, it's nearly impossible to write something in a card or say something of comfort. If you don't know what to say...then say that. Admit it. Admit you have no words of comfort, admit you might not understand the pain they are going through, admit that even throwing out a Bible verse might not be the best thing at the moment.
Our pastor had a great sermon two weeks ago on using the verse Romans 8:28 when you are looking to comfort someone who is hurting. To sum it up...Don't use it. That's a hard concept to swallow when you are looking crisis in the face. Trust me, I had someone email it to me one time after my brother's accident...I can't begin to describe what went through me then...so. I won't. :)
I happened to purchase Ken Ham's "How Could a Loving God...." a few weeks ago and let me tell you, the timing couldn't have been better. As I have watched people I love like my own family hurt and cry this past week, so many questions come up. My faith has been challenged. This book is really wonderful, it digs deep into those questions and answers with verses other than Romans 8:28 ;) and keeps the faith rather than destroying it.
So I will have to think on my concept of "say this, not that". I think it necessary :) I know whenever tragedy hits people are moved, emotional and reach out in a desperate hope to those they know are hurting. However, its hard to filter through "good intentions" when you are the one trying to make it to another day and sometimes people's words just make it worse.
A few key ideas...don't say "I know how much this hurts." Don't say it, unless you have lived it.
"God is in control" - though I fully believe this is true- it unleashes an anger in people..because the inevitable "why" questions is on stage next...thus...the book by Ken Ham. It's an easy read, if you are Christian - this book is almost a must. It asks some tough questions about this imperfect life. God IS in control, but the answers to tragedy, to life are not summed up in a neat little package...but the within the beautiful disaster of life, we have hope, we have promises and we have the tools to navigate it all.