Tragedy

Warning. Today is a weepy day. It's 7:45 and I think I woke up with tears in my eyes.  Yesterday two children were killed on four wheelers after trying to cross a busy road.  They attend a school where we have friends that work there, we have students that know them..but all that doesn't surmount to what it must feel like to be close friends, family and mom and dad.
I started receiving information at about 1:30 yesterday- but it wasn't clear until that night what had happened. It seems ironic to me that the worst tragedies happen on beautiful days. 
I have to rest in God this morning, because I cried when the boys left for school, as I picked up their things, as I put away their clothes and as I imagine at some point...those moms will have to do the same.  It was just another day, clothes were probably strewn about, backpacks left unattended and even dinner ready for that evening. But their child wouldn't be coming home.  It developed a ball of knives in the pit of my stomach. 
I don't have much else to say, except today I hurt for them. Sometimes, I just want to take everyone I love and put them in a very tight, secure, bubble that promises me no more hurt.
I have admitted to my small group I have one great fear. Losing a child.  We had to discuss if we really trusted God.  Oh, I do, I do..I thought....but something inside me spoke. In theory I do.
But, there are moments of fear that grip me. The boys. Losing them.  Can't imagine.
So. When I know of these accidents, these tragedies, I can feel that fear well up inside me and drown me.  Today will be a good practice in releasing it all back to God..about a million times over.

Faith Like a Child

I am sitting here trying to concentrate - but once I write this I will be able to. One thing I have struggled with and I am sure I am not the only one is the purposeful time we need to spend with the Lord. Not just a quick prayer, quick read....but real time. The kind of time you invest in a best friend or spouse. Real time. So, couple that struggle with setting aside to make sure you are doing that with your children as well and you can see where I'm going..
However, as priorities change and hearts become tender to the soft speaking of God - it becomes evident where you need to invest your time. Time for me is hard. I'm selfish - more with time than with money, but that is a whole different post.
However, recently we have started doing Dessert and Devos. (Of course I had to give it a name). Once dinner is cleaned up, we turn off all devices..phones, tv, computers, games etc. I get out some sort of dessert and we sit around the counter in our kitchen. We are progressing through some of the famous stories of the Bible as the boys are getting older and understanding more than just what is surface.  I read and then Andrew reads the correlating verses.
I say all that, because in those few moments the peace and warmth that is in our home is physical. It's almost as if you FEEL God smiling down as he hears those little voices read from His Word and ask questions that truly matter. It fills me up, just those few moments and I have to ask, why is it so hard to make time? Now, it might not work like this EVERY night, but so far it's been a good time to do it. But, that peace, those moments, I can't wait to come back to in the evening. It's humbling.