At the ledge...

in a good way :) The way the last few weeks have panned out I am literally on a rollercoaster of emotions! The flood, the people I see, the friends I know and the job I have...have all intertwined in a way that has woven some of the most beautiful moments in my life.
First. God is good. No matter what we think and wonder why, He is. It's hard to see when you look at homes and businesses devastated by what has happened, but remember we are looking at a small picture. Life is big.
Anyway- I stand at a ledge of opportunity that will change so much. Let's face it, as a creature of comfort I like to plan and do what I have been doing. My job is predictable...so is my paycheck. My schedule is somewhat predictable...that is comforting.
The recent events put my job in peril because of MANY reasons, but it allowed me to have some VERY clear cut conversations with my boss that we have not had. I have been unsettled in my job for awhile and it seems the hurricane issue sparked some new opportunities in a weird way.
I had a friend of a friend offer me a new opportunity that I am really liking and so far, my freelance photography has been doing ok :) Despite my belief that I possess superhuman powers and can do it all. I know I can't. Letting go of comfort and taking on something totally new is crazy to me. BUT exciting. I am trying to be patient and watch the doors open for me and step off the ledge in faith the God will catch me. :) It's easy to tell someone else to do it, waaaaay hard when it's yourself and it is a decision involving your family and your finances. But, I am at peace that whichever way it goes, it will be GOOD. God is good. Did I mention that? And HE is real. We just tend to shut him down in our own finite ways.
Here's to a new chapter...soon. I hope :)

processing

it's gonna take awhile.
can't take it all in
i see
more tears than laughter
so much despair
not enough hands
my heart expands with sadness
my tears are not enough to satisfy
i have no idea what day it is
no sense of time
but that's today
there is always tomorrow :)

and the world keeps turning...

ever experience something that devastates you and you feel the whole world is crashing down...but in reality...the whole world keeps moving on...with or without you?  There have been a couple of times in my life where heartache and near tragedy has flattened me. You almost despise those who still laugh or carry on with the "normalcy" of life while your whole world is falling apart.  Now, I am not personally going through something like this right now, but i think just about anyone can relate. Within the towns of Middleburgh and Schoharie, Margaretville and Windham, Prattsville and Gilboa the world has slowed to a near stop. Within our streets the National Guard is something we have gotten used to, firetrucks and every other big machine is a regular sighting, dirt, grime and sadness is kind of every day for now. So it's odd to drive to another spot in our little world where the sun is shining, kids play soccer and people walk their dog without a care. It's almost like you feel a resentment toward their regular life :)  Though, I don't hold it against them, sometimes you want to scream out and say..."do you have any idea what is going on today!"
But then i ask myself...when was my last normal day someone else's nightmare? the world keeps on turning :)

and seriously.... I want one...

People.

People can be cruel, stupid, immature, brazen, pitiful, cowardly and insensitive.
BUT, this week. I have seen none of those people.
I have seen compassion, tears of sincerity, strangers hugging strangers, love, kindness, hard work and God moving in a way, we never expected.
People will be people. But, in this week of tragedy and hurt, I like people.