@ftale ;)

Ok, so the morality code of this movie was suspect. BUT, this scene was my favorite. It was all of about 30 seconds, but I loved the artwork. 

For a girl whose heart was broken, but still believed in fairy tales, came a gift from the boy who was her friend and commissioned her a "fairy tale" street painting - to make sure she kept believing. 

Yes, it's predictable, yes they fall in love. BUT, in my random, circular pattern of thinking. It's true. No matter how many times a heart is shattered, disappointed and hurt, it's still worth embracing people. It's still worth loving, being open and willing to smile at anyone.  People can also enrich and reveal why love is there in the first place. Everyone still wants a fairy tale :)

There is a reason the new show "Once Upon A Time" was instantly popular!

PS- if anyone wants to photograph me like this (photoshop required!) I would make this my fb profile for the rest of my stinkin' life.!

People will hurt you and reality destroys those "fairy tales". 

It's beautiful thing in which God designed us with the ability to forgive and HE provides an everlasting vault of love he keeps pouring into...no matter how much others may take. 

So...here's to believing in prince charmings, Neverland and I'm pretty sure mermaids exist ;) 

PS - This post will be continued in a way. can't wait to show you!!

Perception..

I remember my one friend, after telling her I thought she was talented in so many areas, her comment back was, "jack of all trades, but I'm a master of none."
It threw me. My perception of her was someone who could do just about anything you put in front of her.  Super smart! Double major in college, cute, very athletic, played piano beautifully (just as a hobby), sketch artist? yup, funny, out going, and very efficient, organized, but knew how to have fun and just roll with it.  ALL her fantastic attribute were the VERY thing that made her feel slighted. She knew she was good at a lot of things, but she felt she really didn't shine in any one area. Go figure.
It's amazing how perception can be so warped depending on who is perceiving.
Everyone has insecurities (some are just better at hiding or masking), everyone has something he/ she is good at...some just take a longer road to get there, girls are notorious for comparing themselves to other girls. Guys wanna beat each other up - even when they hug they gotta pound the heck out of each other :)
It's just simply this, God loves his princes and his princesses, it's just when we dilute ourselves we start warping the perception of this amazing being God created...you. Just my thought this morning, random at best ;)

Um. hello :)

So, almost two months later I am not sure where to pick up. I am not sure what to really blog about anyway, so MUCH has happened some of it seems lame to mention. :)

I feel like there should be some sort of remix...
flood waters surges
clean up emerges
birthday celebratin'
job creatin'
newspaper quitting
on my couch sitting ;)
paid to blog is cool
sometimes subbing at school
soccer came and went
time well spent
photographing craze
navigating life's maze
losing a dog was an end
puppy training begins
new friends were founded
old friends keep me grounded
family times with tears and laughs
kids are growing fast
footloose remix...um yea please
Breaking Dawn part 1? such a tease :)
blogging slacker? yup
life's been too crazy to keep up
back to work i must go
be for realshizzle, word up yo.

At the ledge...

in a good way :) The way the last few weeks have panned out I am literally on a rollercoaster of emotions! The flood, the people I see, the friends I know and the job I have...have all intertwined in a way that has woven some of the most beautiful moments in my life.
First. God is good. No matter what we think and wonder why, He is. It's hard to see when you look at homes and businesses devastated by what has happened, but remember we are looking at a small picture. Life is big.
Anyway- I stand at a ledge of opportunity that will change so much. Let's face it, as a creature of comfort I like to plan and do what I have been doing. My job is predictable...so is my paycheck. My schedule is somewhat predictable...that is comforting.
The recent events put my job in peril because of MANY reasons, but it allowed me to have some VERY clear cut conversations with my boss that we have not had. I have been unsettled in my job for awhile and it seems the hurricane issue sparked some new opportunities in a weird way.
I had a friend of a friend offer me a new opportunity that I am really liking and so far, my freelance photography has been doing ok :) Despite my belief that I possess superhuman powers and can do it all. I know I can't. Letting go of comfort and taking on something totally new is crazy to me. BUT exciting. I am trying to be patient and watch the doors open for me and step off the ledge in faith the God will catch me. :) It's easy to tell someone else to do it, waaaaay hard when it's yourself and it is a decision involving your family and your finances. But, I am at peace that whichever way it goes, it will be GOOD. God is good. Did I mention that? And HE is real. We just tend to shut him down in our own finite ways.
Here's to a new chapter...soon. I hope :)

processing

it's gonna take awhile.
can't take it all in
i see
more tears than laughter
so much despair
not enough hands
my heart expands with sadness
my tears are not enough to satisfy
i have no idea what day it is
no sense of time
but that's today
there is always tomorrow :)

and the world keeps turning...

ever experience something that devastates you and you feel the whole world is crashing down...but in reality...the whole world keeps moving on...with or without you?  There have been a couple of times in my life where heartache and near tragedy has flattened me. You almost despise those who still laugh or carry on with the "normalcy" of life while your whole world is falling apart.  Now, I am not personally going through something like this right now, but i think just about anyone can relate. Within the towns of Middleburgh and Schoharie, Margaretville and Windham, Prattsville and Gilboa the world has slowed to a near stop. Within our streets the National Guard is something we have gotten used to, firetrucks and every other big machine is a regular sighting, dirt, grime and sadness is kind of every day for now. So it's odd to drive to another spot in our little world where the sun is shining, kids play soccer and people walk their dog without a care. It's almost like you feel a resentment toward their regular life :)  Though, I don't hold it against them, sometimes you want to scream out and say..."do you have any idea what is going on today!"
But then i ask myself...when was my last normal day someone else's nightmare? the world keeps on turning :)

and seriously.... I want one...

People.

People can be cruel, stupid, immature, brazen, pitiful, cowardly and insensitive.
BUT, this week. I have seen none of those people.
I have seen compassion, tears of sincerity, strangers hugging strangers, love, kindness, hard work and God moving in a way, we never expected.
People will be people. But, in this week of tragedy and hurt, I like people. 

and it begins...

I drove to the high school where I coach three days ago and thought to myself.."oh my gosh..it's here. again." The new soccer season. Fall 2011. For those of you NOT ruled by the school calendar, I am sure your annual "moments" are different. But, in late August I drive to the school, every fall,  where I meet 18-20 teenage girls who want to play soccer. But here is what happens. They run, they cry, they puke, they push themselves, they look at me and I look back and them...and another season begins. :)
It's hard to explain, unless you do it. But it's a cool feeling to be the only ones out there working your butts off for one reason.  No phones, computers, parents, boyfriends or external factors...just us and a ball and a common goal.
The next few months are insane. My schedule gets annihilated, but when one of the girls looks at me and says, "I'm ready coach,". Well, wouldn't you know - so am I kiddo :)

jeans that fit just right...

ever try on a hundred pair of jeans just to find the perfect fit? ok, well i have never tried on 100 pairs of jeans..I am just not that good of a shopper. I get bored and fast.  However, i do love a great pair of jeans! Finding the right fit isn't always easy. I compare that to my latest blogging endeavor. My photography blog is not anything I like. It doesn't fit right, I look at it from all angles and I don't like how it feels. Therefore, a new idea has come about and all of a sudden, it fits, the length was good, the feel is pleasant and I liked how it looks. Perfect.  It's amazing what ideas come and go when you are driving to destination by yourself!
So... tossing the non-fitting pair of jeans aside and pulling on some new ones. Fresh. Fit. Comfy. yay!
And thanks..in advance...to all those who are helping :) It's gonna be fun.

Btw. random. I am halfway through The Help, and that book deserves every rave review it's getting so far. I really like it. Lots.

I also watched the movie Soul Surfer last week with my cousins. I super duper liked it. I was in for a cheesy, inspiration, predictable plot, but it gave more than that. It's family friendly. My kids loved it and we had a lot to talk about after.

Ok, blogness is done!  Time to start focusing on birthday celebrations!! haha! just kidding. well, not really ;)

blog slacker

Slacking a little here. BUT for good reason :) Weddings, family and of course the latest addition to our family..abby. Kinda feels like we have a newborn again. wait. we do.  Not sure how I felt standing outside in the drizzle this morning at 4a.m to watch her pee...but it comes with this super cute face....
Still miss my dog that we had for 11 years so it's a bitter sweet transition.  And yes, Andrew named her after Abby Wombach...can't say I blame him for liking her so much. We went through the whole U.S women's soccer team - and Abby finally won out. Friends of ours have Mia and Hope..so it's a destined play date!

Intentionally being intentional.

A close friend of my mom's past away last week. Someone I have known since I was little.  She had been a college friend and it was ironic in that same week I was meeting up with one of my dearest friends from my college.  Because I attended school so far from home, it's rare I see anyone from good ol' LU. As my friends and I talked about it we realize how very intentional we have to be about everything. Intentional about seeing each other, intentional about loving our family, intentional about knowing how to relax and enjoy life.
That was emphasized when we were able to hang out with Graham and Randi for a bit. Graham, like my brother, suffered a severe brain injury.  My brother's injury is now eight years old (can't believe it has been that long). Graham's injury is just one year old. That one year mark is hard to swallow, because it's the time table every doctor gives a TBI patient. "In one year you will have an idea of what you are dealing with." ugh.
Last year, we had no idea what was happening as he lay in Albany Med's ICU. This year, we sat at the kitchen table and ate ice cream and the guys all laughed and joked around.  Priceless.
It can happen in a blink, faster than a blink.  Life changes. If you have never had a tragedy be the defining moment in your life, I pray you never do. It hangs on the calendar like a blaring signal of life "before" and life "after".
It changes your perspective and it sometimes makes you want to beat people over the head that complain about "small" things.  My mom and I both admit it's hard to not lash out at someone who complains.... I mean, I can complain... but you can't. haha. It's a grace issue and I am working  on it. But after seeing Graham, after knowing what my mom's friend has dealt with over the past three years with cancer and after watching my brother fight for everything in his life....eh. complaining about anything less seems trite. I even catch myself at times...so it's a learning process. I have to intentionally look around and realize, I have SO MUCH to be thankful for.  I have to be intentional about a lot of things or life slips away and you aren't intentional about anything.

not title. just words.

If you miss seeing me
close your eyes

If you miss hearing my voice
 open your heart to listen

If you wish we were closer
dream of me

when I miss seeing you
I close my eyes to find you

when I miss your voice
I open my heart to listen

when I miss your closeness
I dream of you

When I can't keep you
I let God hold you

Some firsts.

Random firsts!!
Recently I have:
1. Run my first 5K. (race-wise)

2. Gone Mtn Biking...in real mtns and pretty sure it's one of the hardest workouts ever.

3. Someone asked me. "Wait you have a house phone? do you use it??" ha!

4. My first "bartering" success. i talked an antique guy down $10. That's right.

5. My first laughing so hard I cried, couldn't breathe, about-to-die experience this year.

6. My first time running out of coffee in years. (truth!)

7.  First fireworks from Thacher Park

8. my first time hooking a worm to fish ...wait. no. i haven't done that :)

Canvas Wall Art

Took one of my landscape shots and made a canvas :)

Blank Project Canvas Print

Shutterfly offers custom St. Patrick's Day cards.

View the entire collection of cards.

Top 5 Reasons To Be Austin:

Why I want to be my 5 year old for a day:

1. I can spend 10 minutes of my afternoon wondering how many days it would take ants to eat the marshmallow I dropped...and not consider it a waste of time.

2. I can wear cut off sleeves, winter boots and shorts and people still think I look cute.

3. I am expected to drop food

4. I randomly just go into headstands and people applaud me for it.

5. I tell everyone I want to be a monster truck driver and it's hits them like it's the best idea in the world.

Inspired

Austin can pick me dandelions and because he loves them and gives them to me proud, those silly weeds get displayed on my counter in a vase while all the other "pretty"flowers get left outside in their respective places. However, my Austin finds the dandelions special and with his intentions he makes them priceless. 
So, it challenges me to be inspired by "simpler" things, dandelions if you will!
 Inspiration as of late?
Aron Ralston is definitely an inspiration in the people world. Would you cut off your arm to survive?  random thought I know, but if you haven't seen that movie. I suggest it. It's intense, but puts a little perspective on"problems". I heart James Patterson's sweet, sappy romance novels. Watching a movie of his as I write ( sap-ola). Whatever, don't judge - it's a rainy morning, kids are at school and I'm working.
Thunderstorms! love em!
And is this weird?  We have had three semi-bad days and on all three days - HUGE rainbows. HUGE. We were stranded at the airport before leaving for Florida- rainbow over the entire place.  We had a flat tire when we took the kids bike riding at Thacher Park - HUGE rainbow and believe it or not, the day our Hershey dog passed away, that night - a rainbow :).

sometimes...

you just have those days when you kind of wish you weren't a grown up. the kind where you envy your own children and their blissful ignorance to the world around them and you wish them to stay there forever. they can't. they won't. and you know all to well that being a grown up means...well. ha. i am not sure what it means :)  but today, and just for a few moments until i "buck up", i don't want to be the grown up.

Library Card...

Is it ironic that someone who loves to read, write and read some more never had a library card...since college?  I KNOW! I admit for awhile when the boys were little it just seemed like one more stop to get them out of the car seat with all of their stuff.  However between my family and a few friends who use their respective libraries TONS, I decided it was time.
Love it.
I admit - I have this weird thing about keeping the books I read, not because I plan on reading them again, but a few I just like to say "read that, and there it goes on my shelf".  Maybe I have a pride issue? A hoarding issue? A love of books on my shelf issue?  I dunno.  But, I checked out two fave authors and I guess I am willing to give them back....only cuz I get to check more. I'm excited to get more. I already have a small list growing.  Let the nerdery in me soar!!
Since the nicer weather I have finished Wicked, If I Stay and The Castaways.  It's my little respite. I don't read anything too heavy, or self-help or informationally saturated. I read for fun and relaxation.  Cheers, to my new library card. ha!

Pullin' on mah Big Girl Pants...

Once upon a time when I was a little girl and I was not feeling well...I could "get the stay home from school free" card and worry about nothing except what movies I was going to watch.  My friend would even bring my homework over (cuz he lived next door) and do it with me later on in the day. Mom and dad would check on me, I mean let's face it- if I was sick, I was pretty sure the world stopped functioning :)
So when did that stop being true!!!???
Regardless, today despite the deep and longing desire to hide under my blankets -the world somehow did not stop turning. So, with one million responsibilities today...I am pulling on my big girl pants :) Taking on the day....it just kinda stinks because with 5 hours of shooting ahead of me - I wanted to be super woman. (ha. yes. please picture the cape...not sure I could really pull of the rest of the outfit..so let's rock the cape shall we?)


For a moment this morning....I felt like I was in a Taylor Swift song...

Not State Farm, but such a good neighbor

Gonna give ya the short version.  The great idea was to go to Thacher Park and overlook the cliffs as the storms came rolling through.  During the breaks in the rain, the kiddos could ride their bikes all over the place. We got out of the truck at the overlook with HUGE black clouds rollin in. Lightning, rainbows, rain over Albany, sun on us...and one flat tire.
We punctured it in the parking lot. We left the spare at home when using the truck bed for something and never put it back. oops. So. now what? It was time to call someone for help. We called our dear neighbors and thankfully he was home. Not only that, he is a stock car racer and has changed more tires than anyone I know. This is important, because there were several things going awry with the changing of our tires on the 1997 pickup ;) I will spare the details.  Our neighbor got into our house, got the tire, drove to Thacher Park and in the now pouring rain, helped changed the tire..it would have taken two dudes to do it no matter what.
It rained on us, there was sunshine on either side of us, but we had to have seen the most brilliant rainbow. The camera didn't do it justice. So, we watched the storm roll in and were in awe. Side note: our neighbor wasn't even supposed to be home last night. At the last minute decided to come home and get some stuff when we called (haha - probably so glad he answered the phone!)

Rainy Days.

Sooo many rainy days...BUT they ARE good for something...getting some inside projects done, because it's not secret that when the sun is out, I tend to play more than work.
However, kitchen projects are almost done and I attacked the living room..with a vengeance.  It was a bold move. A scary move and I still have more to get done.  But at least it's a start.

We had that awesome 70's style plank board wall :)  whoo hoo! So, I changed it a little

 My super awesome chair that I had wanted that we ended up buying from a couple who was moving and needed to get rid of it. Got it for like a 1/4 of the store price! I'm still not done with this area, but it took forever to do the walls, moulding and beams...so taking a break.

And still haven't finished this area either. But It's a start.... here's to more HGTV in my life :P and no i didn't bother to remove the tshirt on the bench, the junior golf clubs by the door or the bball hoop hanging on the door...because that just wouldn't be a true picture now would it??

Creation/Evolution and an 8-year-old

These thoughts have turned over and over in my head.  And trust me, this post could be PAGES long, but the focus is on teaching.  I would love it if you emailed me or posted your thoughts :) But, we have come to the time when my eldest is learning "science" in school.  This also means the time has come to teach how to "respectfully disagree". That's not easy for a kid, to realize people he respect (friends, family and teachers) believe in something other than what the Bible says and what we as parents believe.  We have started with the basics...What does the Bible say? What does the science book say? Of course, they don't match up and at some point my son will have to decide for himself what he truly believes.  But, I will be honest..I was challenged in high school in this very area of evolution vs. creation. Was I just gonna regurgitate what I had been taught by my parents? OR...did I believe it.  So. I studied. I'm not gonna give a dissertation on all I learned, but I will tell you - this novel reading, soccer focused, social butterfly type of college girl - thoroughly absorbed her apologetics class.  Maybe it is because I learned under Dr. Dewitt - one of the leading scientist/creationists in the county, maybe it's because I was blown away by the concrete proof. Regardless, my son will understand both sides equally.  I have no problem studying the THEORY of evolution and he will learn the questions to pass the test, but he will have the option to KNOW both, to question both and to look at both sides in depth. I did and it may be the very reason I know what I believe is true today.
So,  the concept of understanding that those we love and respect will disagree with our beliefs is not easy to teach, but at this point in time it is necessary.
And just cuz i can't resist  - There is several written pieces that Darwin renounced his theories before he died that never made it to the text books ;)  Super interesting. Ya gotta pick one..God? or Evolution? Ya can't have both...even Theistic Evolution undermines what God says.
another thing is I am amazed at the people who get so upset when they learn I disagree...but here's the thing..I have literally STUDIED evolution, debated it on the college circuit and understand the thought behind it, the people who so adamantly disagree with me - have never studied creation.  It's a science believe it or not. The site Answer In Gensis, has resources above and beyond.   But it always throws me that those who disagree with me get so very upset! I dunno!
Last point - I have read HUNDREDS of testimonies on evolutionist who turned creationists after studying the science, I have not found one testimony of a creationist who turned against it.  Maybe they are out there, but I haven't read one.
So, it's gonna get uncomfortable at times I am sure as my son's eyes begin to open wider to the world and realize he will have to forge his way. But, far be it from me not to give him every tool, resource and support system he needs to know truth. God will lead, I will follow, my son will know. BUT, if you are someone who has kids in a public school or have had kids there and have had to balance this... I would love your thoughts. thx!

Wondering what I forgot!!

It's rarely, if ever, I think most of us feel that we have it ALL together. I guess "all" is subjective, but for a Tuesday in my world (deadline day) I rarely feel as if that is the case.  So, this morning when I got ready to go..I had my work out done, articles ready, photos cropped and fitted, lunch packed and I actually was early. Was I pleased? NO! I kept wondering what it was I was forgetting?  If things go THAT smoothly, surely I have forgotten something, misplaced something, overlooked an entire SOMETHING!  Alas, it is 8:30 p.m. and I have yet to find out what I forgot. (course the day is not over). Can we ever be truly satisfied?? Apparently not!  Just when I accomplish what I set out to do everyday- I have to feel I have missed something along the way..... wonder what it was :D?

Close my eyes

I close my eyes and clamp my hands over my ears and refuse to listen.  Ok, maybe not literally, but I think if i were to sum up my emotions sometimes...that is what I am doing.  For some reason, this week and last week a bunch of not so good news has come rolling in.  Friends fighting cancer, others unable to conceive a baby and giving up, relapses in sickness, finding out friends my age have had parents pass away - all in a short amount of time.  It's kinda overwhelming to take it all in. Sometimes ( and I admit) I can barely make myself pray - because it is emotionally exhausting to go there...I would rather close my eyes, clamps my ears, shake my head and cry out "I can't hear you!"  Tis true. But, I find myself also encouraged in many things.  In this book my Max Lucado "It's Not About Me" the last line of the second chapter is in regard to Max at 9 years old going to his first funeral. It is the first time he sees his uncle's dead body, his usually happy aunts crying, his other uncles stoic and his father somber.   It leads to this awesome passage :
"It's ok son," he assures, laying his hand on my leg. Somehow I know it is. Why it is, I don't know. My family still wails. Uncle Buck is still dead, but if Dad, in the midst of it all says it's okay, then that's enough. At that moment I realized something. I could look around and find fear, or look at my father and find faith. I chose  my father's face, so did Moses. So can you."
Open eyes. Unclamp ears. Breathe.

So glad I didn't have Facebook...

Can I just say, I am so glad Facebook wasn't around when I was in high school.  I actually feel sorry for teens (esp girls) who have to maneuver through this social media. I say this because I have had my fair share of watching teens deal with the crazy drama that unfolds through pictures that are posted, subtle insults embedded in status messages and who hung out with who Friday night and left who out!
It's insane.
I mean, I know adults who create their own drama - but I don't feel so bad for them - get a grip.
However, for young kids who really forged this frontier before their parents even knew what Facebook was, pretty much did it without much guidance or understanding of the impact.
I spent enough time crying in my room over something someone said at school or sulking because some one was hanging out with MY best friend more..haha...you laugh..but for those of you who did high school..you know.
I couldn't imagine trying to keep up with social demands and implications of online socializing. Gosh, it was difficult enough on a day to day basis. I don't say that begrudingly. I loved high school, but despite the overall fond memories, there were those moments of emotional wreckage. Just glad Facebook wasn't around then :)  My yearbook is good enough!....and now. I definitely sound old and  for the record. i love facebook.

Impact.

We were asked in our small group what books (beside the Bible) had an impact on us. It immediately divided the readers from the non-readers..all in good humor...so we were forced to include movies too.
My mind scrambled...so many books! So many movies! I giggled, because I wanted to proudly state TWILIGHT!! ha! Impactful? maybe one of the MOST entertaining..not sure it can qualify as impacting. Though, I could probably spawn an inner debate about that.
I did choose This Present Darkness - Frank Peretti and The Shack. When a book comes back to mind time and again...then you know it got it you. I feel the same goes with certain songs or movies. One dude was passionate about the movie Braveheart another spoke highly of a book I now can't remember- but it had to do with the cost of Pastor's standing up for Christ in Nazi Germany - I'm guessing it's not a light read by any means.  But, it was interesting to go through and choose books or story lines that were impacting, not just entertaining or educational.
Of course, I also think books and movies can have a different impact depending on where you are in life. The turnover can be as frequent as different wrinkles unfolding in life. What movie/book grabs your heart?
My good friend did suggest a new author:  Gayle Forman who has written  If I Stay and then  Where She Went  - suggested for fans of Twilight. I haven't gotten the books yet...but I plan on it ;) 

Out of misery - grows Friendships...

Obviously most everyone knows we spent some time in Florida, a lovely treat for ANY New Yorker at this point. Getting there was a little on this side of misery. Delay upon delay and we ended up stranded at the airport missing our connection and therefore missing out on a day in the sunshine state...and for us Vitamin D deficient land-lovers...this was crazy disappointing. It was worse breaking the news to two lil boyz eagerly awaiting their first plane ride in which they were not babies.
Alas, we met the couple who were stranded in Detroit, flown to Binghamton because Scranton was under a wind advisory. We enjoyed the company of two lil girls and their family who all gathered around to watch movies with us and we met the near college graduates who asked a million questions about the teaching world...I re-met a family I knew from Davenport and felt sorry for the girl at the terminal who had no answers for weary, delayed travelers.
When we did get on the plane, we were delayed a second time, with the same people from the day before. The connection in Detroit was going to be close...and I mean CLOSE. We were that family you see in the movies racing through the airport..thankfully our newfound "friends" ran ahead of us to let the plane know we were en route..as fast as lil five year old legs could go.
Notes:
We made it with seven minutes to spare.
Andrew will probably never get on a plane again
I have the most well behaved boyz eva!
Three dudes missed their connections :(
Delta asked me about their services... I have yet to respond.
I heart all you who inquired and prayed for our trip
I like cars.
I really should live at the beach
Miserable delays = new friends. for realz.
Some girls really shouldn't wear mini skirts
Airplane snack needs to be a little more varied
No way will I ever be the airport terminal chick
I can pack a family of four into four bags and not check luggage...that's right.

So many ideas

so little time. Ever want to do everything and nothing at the same time. Like...great concepts, innovative ideas- but overwhelming fear of rejection? That's me. But then, I guess if Mark Zuckerberg was fearful...

A fashion trend-setter..who me? nah ;)

So, true story. I have received MULTIPLE compliments on this cool green and brown bag I have. It's a tote I guess I should say. I say ..."why thank you" and then I continue on my way...ok with a sort of smirk.
Only because...at least two of those people are...well...very INTO the clothes they wear and the fashion industry itself.
Here's the 411.. (i just wanted to say that) That green and brown tote is a result of my "be better to the planet moment" when I snatched up a few of those "go green" totes from Wal Mart. In a hurried exit from the house I used it to stuff a few things in it for the boys, some snacks and some personal items. At first I thought I was genius because it really was quite convenient. I have used it to more as tote (only because I can NEVER remember to bring it BACK to the store to shop with) more than anything..and out of all the bags, totes or whatever I have...it's the Wal Mart wonder that has gotten the most attention.
Just $3 ladies. and it can literally change your world...or at least it is fun to see how many people say they like your Wallie Bag. :)

Bittersweet

Holding your hand
and then letting it go

Relishing your smile
before you turn away

it's bittersweet
this life we live

embracing the sweet
defines the bitter

laughing out loud
turns crying alone

a warrior's poetic justice ends in
a broken hearts compassion

the wings of being in-love
become grounded in reality

or
a lifetime of mistakes
hones God's magnificent work

insecurity lurks in the shadows
brightened with uniqueness

cold fingers warm
at the touch friendship

whispers of doubt
sing praises

lips of calloused lies
turn supple with truth

i walked alone
til my soul found you

i know it's sweet,
because I've known it's bitter.

:)

I went all HGTV on myself..

Three pics is enough to get the idea. You know you are a grown up when you get excited to go to the store to buy hardware....

once i start...

a project i  have a horrible time stopping.  I "started" to paint the kitchen the other day...and I seriously refuse to stop until its done.  I can be my own worst enemy.  I worked yesterday for HOURS and it still isn't done, but it's getting close.  Pics to come! however, I know that is one of my "things".  I drive to get it done and hate leaving things unfinished, but sometimes that infringes on other responsibilities and simple family/friend time.   I feel bad, because I did say no to something yesterday with a girlfriend when I think I should have said yes. But, I was so determined to keep working, I stayed where I was and painted.
I don't like that I did that, I like it when relationships come first.  So, today, more relationships, less painting....:)

Lent Lists

I told my friend I needed everyone who was participating in Lent to provide me with a list of their "do's and don'ts." only cuz I was having problems keeping up with who was doing what until when!  I didn't to cook offer or go anywhere that would infringe upon Lent decisions :)
It was done in jest, but seriously - next time..I need lists!
Anyway, though I chose not to participate, I am in full respect of those that do. I went through something similar in January - though it was not an official Lent of sorts.
However, I do sincerely pray whatever your Lent entailed...that it brought you close to the Lord.  I did pray because that the "limitations" made for Lent by the people around me are for that reason only.  I overheard someone at the supermarket say they were giving up carbs for Lent..."just to see if they could do it." hmmm, might be missing the point there.

not sure what to "title" it...

before reality knocks, my dream can live a few seconds more
a beautiful world breathes before it's suffocated by my defenses
and for just a little while i can refuse to lock down my senses

there is a pause between moments
where nothing makes sense
but somewhere stories unfold
and no one has written the ending

wings let me fly
before gravity grounds my feet
everything is just a vapor to the touch
if my eyes open, it will disappear

misty thoughts and plausible impossibility
it ebbs and flows as moments of conscience
slip back and forth into the unconscious

eyes flutter open to find clarity
emotions plummet and rise
trying to find stability where dreams and reality clash

it's gone as feet touch solid ground
eyes focus on what is real
common sense dowsing imaginations fire

I close my eyes, but it's gone with the awakened
my skin feels the residue of what my mind can't remember
my soul still quakes at the hazy memory

my heart still knows where it's been
even if my thoughts can't recall the journey
my reality sharpens, the walls can be built to keep me sensible

until the walls fall apart in slumber
until my reality escapes
until the dreams return
until i close my eyes again.

Pictures and Love (146)

I talked to a few people last night and I think I am all set.  As I book clients, run a few promos and market for the potential of my young business I knew I wanted it to be more than just a business.  Of course I wanted it to be fueled by a passion for what I do and who I do it for...but I wanted a little more ;)
So, in the contests and bookings I still have ahead, there will be a percentage I make going toward LOVE146.  I encourage you to take the time to read and digest what it is all about.
However, in case you don't click on the link, it is an organization to stop child sex trafficking and the sexual exploitation of children.  It is more of a problem then you or I would like to really admit.
I have the support of my church at Bethlehem Community Church where we support LOVE146 as well as some other key people involved in it's organization and founding, so I am excited.
It's ironic...it's sad that an organization like this has to even exist, but it's empowering to think, that we can all do a small part to help fund it.
Oddly enough, I was never a big "cause" person.  Sounds a little crass I know. But, everyone has an agenda and a cause and I kinda brushed them off a little and was a little narcissistic in my thoughts...like how much does it really help to run a 5k for something?  But, that has changed. Where there is passion, there is possibility.
So, passion, photography and Love146.
The current child contest and it's link and can be found here.

Thanks so much if you spread the word,  anyone can repost the link. I certainly won't mind! :) :) :)

Passionate Photography and Vampires..say wha?

Ok, so my mind wanders from time to time. Last night, a fellow photog invited me to watch a photography webinar with by Jesh de Rox about his business philosophy called Beloved...The Beloved Collective.  His one hour session was intriguing as he showed his basis for doing anything is...relationships.  Makes sense right? He talked about what our culture had embraced through the past few decades...the "walmart generation" where it's less personal, but you find mass produced "cheaper" items. Romantic huh?

Serious thought: We (artist, photographers, coaches, teachers, ANYONE) may need to focus on a more relational approach, a more passionate approach...where people and who they are, are the motivation and the cornerstone to whatever you do.

Wandering thought: As I was introduced to Jesh de Rox for the first time, I kinda thought he looked like a Cullen...not so much Edward...but a Cullen all the same.

Serious thought: Why was Twilight successful? There are bazillion blogs and ideas behind that.  But it had the key elements...passion, relationships, suspension of disbelief and overcoming impossible odds. Sound familiar?

Wandering thought: What if Jesh actually referred to the movie in his webinar?  "Photography is a passion for people, like vampires, we seek to extract from deep inside our clients" Maybe not..  I mean, Jesh is a vegetarian...so are the Cullens!

Serious thought: Whether it be photography or whatever else, if a passion for people intercepts the crossroad of business, responsibilities and life in general, I think we would find ourselves blessed over and over again.  It's hard to open up your heart to others who may reject it or accept it, but as with anything...maybe love really can conquer all :)

Wandering Thought: If love can conquer vampire loving human...  hmm...i think love CAN conquer all :)

Serious Thought: the thoughts and ideas challenged me to be a better photographer...passionate about the people AND the business.  I look forward to the relationships I am building every day. I have fallen in love with what I do and the people and the moments we capture together.

Wandering Thought:  People are truly beautiful and who wouldn't want a picture of that? If there were vampires out there wanting a family portrait.....i'm in.

Monster Jam and such...

I never thought...NEVER thought I would be at an event such as Monster Jam.  In fact, I didn't even know what it was until last spring.  My kids stumbled up on it when flipping channels and it was love at first sight.
It has grown in popularity and finally shows have come to the northeast...to which we have attended two "jams"and just bought tickets to an event this summer.  We have endured some teasing from friends...as if we should all be wearing wife beaters, greasy hair and tattoos to be considered among the regulars.  However, I have to say, it is quite the opposite.  Unlike anything I expected, most of these events are absent of the "redneckers" and more family oriented..kids, families and lots of big trucks.  I had to giggle to myself when I realized at this last event, I knew every driver...and every truck.  It's kind of like college basketball...I know all about it because I almost have no choice!  So, I can hold any water cooler conversation about either sport.
The whole idea brings me to the fact that watching my kiddos faces light up is the entire reason I would sit through big trucks flipping around and paying too much for cotton candy so we can get the souvenir.  It's something special they have developed a passion for and seeing it through their eyes makes me understand it a little better.
Must be how God feels about us.  He takes great joy in seeing our faces light up in the blessings he is willing to bestow...kinda neat that our love for children doesn't even compare to how He feels about us.

Self-promotion...IDK

Ok, so I am so excited about running my own photography biz and I am taking my learning "bumps" as I go.  However, besides organizing orders and bills, I think my least fave part is self-promotion.  I know that might seem contradictory to my nature as a human being, but big difference between outgoing and friendly and promoting myself. Ugh, I even admit it's hard for to me post stuff on facebook to get traffic to what I am doing! This week I was working on a bunch of stuff and I would get a small knot in my stomach when I present something to a business or school.
I was comforted slightly when I saw a business article about marketing for women and men.  The difference...men to really like promoting themselves..ha! not sure how true that is, but women seem to have a hard time.  I can't find the article again or else I would post it, but it was funny.
 I am still working on being a better photographer, but man, telling everyone they should use me...it's like a whirlwind of...not wanting to. wanting to. not wanting to. have to. do i really have to?. yes. ugh. fine.
yup. wish people would just somehow know I exist..ha!  guess it doesn't work like that ;)

Ya know when just one line hits ya...

Sometimes I'll be reading right along and then wham...something hits me for one reason or another.
Right now I am reading Beth Moore's "Believing God" suggested by my awesome sister-in-law.  There are a number of reason's I am reading it..but the opening quote today was:
"Faith is the only thing that will ever close the gap between our theology and our reality."

I try to picture the two moving closer together..theology in one hand...reality in another..and your faith moves them so close..that eventually- they are holding hands...walking in the same direction! :)

small town diners...

might just have the best coffee. I might be going against the grain, might be destroying all hope for coffee supremacy, might suffer the wayward darts of coffee snubbery (not sure if that is a word) - BUT...I have been to two local cafe's this week...and neither one of them has Dunkin... or "bux" in their name and I have to say. yummo.
I shall go back. I shall drink more coffee and I shall be very happy. Coffee...good...price...even better. Actually, two coffees and a small breakfast cost AS MUCH as ONE peppermint mocha (my favorite) at the place with "bux" in it's name.
Don't get me wrong...there is always a love for those big names and their coffees..puhleeze! I'm a fan! Just saying, those lil guys...well they get it right too :)

I'll say it every year...

Where did the past year go?? Mah baby is five.  So, he's kinda not a baby.  OF COURSE we looked through baby pics (and goodness knows I take a bunch) and it's fascinating to see the changes.  Before Austin was born, three of us were pregnant all at the same time...and YUP..I was the LAST of the three.  Two friends with their amazing new babies before March ever appeared on the calendar, I was huge, he decided to be a week late.
It's amazing that time really does fly and all three of those amazing babies all turned five in the past six weeks.  It's hard not to be thankful for their health, their smiles and their overall amazing life journey so far.
It's amusing how different their life perspective is..I mean in five more years --- they will ALL be ten! (and their older siblings will be pre-teens! ugh)
Phrases that kill me from my kids:
"Way back in the 90's did you...."
"They had color tv when you were a kid??"
"I think she was way older than you mom..like 30 or something"
So many more..but I will try not to depress myself!
Today, we get to celebrate and I am sure I'll have plenty of "mom" moments and I'll probably say stuff like..
"Five years ago today..." haha

intentionally being intentional

Deep title huh? Sometimes, more often than not, actions have to be intentional or else an entire day, week or month can go buy unaltered with things that "should have" been done or said.  Intentionally being kind, intentionally investing in someone, intentionally getting work done or intentionally setting aside time to pray or be alone.  It would seem easy to pull those things off, but when everyday unfolds and everyday our own lives wrap us up in our own little cocoon it can be more of a challenge than originally thought.
I can definitely slip off into my world and the rest of everyone passes by.  This can totally be true if I'm working on a writing project or reading or simply just feeling like I need time away from everyone :)  Those things are all GOOD! Don't get me wrong, but those things need less "intention" from me...that all comes super easy :).  BUT, especially after a few challenges from our small group in Bethlehem..it's easy to see where we fall short of investing in others, loving others and intentionally finding ways to do so.
I have a few goals in my mind...
and no I'm not going to start a Jane Austen book club...well.... I'll never say never ;)

quote of the day..

"I admire your enthusiasm, I question your intelligence..."  haha, yup. this could just summarize SO MANY things :)

book clubs and slacker blogging...

Kinda of a blogging slacker :) I have nothing profound to share or whimsical words to create...well at least not right this moment. So many things sometimes going on at once I just don't know where to start or what to pick from to write about..thus I got nothing!
however, I did watch the Jane Austen book club finally. AND..I liked it. There were a few things the movie could have done without...but overall it was worth watching and since I have only read through two of Jane's books, reading all six in a book club would be daunting...but perhaps I could be drawn in by the cute coffee shops and great food.  Then I had to wonder...I don't know if I could actually find SIX people that would meet once a month for nothing more than to talk about books.  I think I could find six people that would WANT to, but six people that actually could notch that out in their schedule...I am hesitant to say that's a possibility.  Much more...they would actually have to have time to read the books!
THAT leads me to my next thought.  Everyone's schedules seem so crazy, mine included.  So, I have to wonder...if we really don't have time to read a book or simply meet together with loved ones and friends...what's our schedule really worth?  Mine has gotten some revamping ...

Best sign off...

When one signs their email,
In Love, Prayers, and Line Dancing.....
you know they rock...especially when they actually plan on going line dancing later :D  Made me smile.

me.

imperfection resides
love empowers
crying heals 
and laughter renews
within me.

forgiveness overwhelms
memories ebb and flow
hope forges a new path
dreams come alive
within me.

A faithful friend 
a wounded soldier of love
the warrior for your heart
a fierce protector
within me

good intentions
unraveled emotions
a hidden soul
uncharted frontiers
within me

faith leaps
prayer bounds
inspirations soars
simply me
within me.

My Weekly "Dan In Real Life " Moment...

I love that movie. I know a lot of people that love that movie too!  But I always ask myself...how many families REALLY get together like that and...put on skits, do a work out all together, play football in the yard and have tender moments in the random sequence.  For me, it IS one of the reasons that make that movie endearing...I hope and pray most families can identify with at least on particular aspect of that movie in some way or another.
My weekly dose (outside my own fam of course) comes every Sunday morning.  They are always out there, no matter what the weather...this family (that I don't know) and their weekly game of touch football.  They are out there in the drizzle, snow and sun playing.  The smallest of children cheer from the pulled down tailgates and the rest of em are out there gettin' it done.  It's just fun to see a family/friends getting together to PLAY.  No video games, movies or cell phones involved...good ol' fashion outdoor stuff.  

So, one of these days I am going to get up the nerve to just stop and ask if I can photograph their game...wouldn't that be fun!?!?!
Gotta catch my "dan in real life" moment in action :D

on the couch...

hmmm, ok so I didn't PLAN to spend my day on the couch, but that is where I am.  Don't ask me how I hurt my back..but oh boy did I ever.  So, with limited movement...i have been forced to fore-go the daily duties that usually beg my attention.  Therefore the blessing in disguise is how much I can get done just sitting here.
For one, I already started working toward next week's deadline...that deserves a woot woot!!  Edited a few pictures and worked on a few writing pieces.
I actually talked on the phone (thanks kristin!!) and just kinda have some time to hang out with my littlest man and watch a movie.  I admit it's hard to sit still, but at the same time...not much i can do about it so I am enjoying some things I usually don't sit still to enjoy.
Painted toenails (for no other reason than because I can)
The beginning of a new novel
mindless channel flipping
guilt-free couch sitting
extra quiet time devos!
a few more children's books
blog stalking
sketched a few marketing ideas
ignoring laundry
ignoring dishes
extra snuggle time
just a few things while I sit here :)

a lil before and after

It's what happens when I get snowed in. I dedicate one wall to J$ (pronounced Jay-money) just in case. Let's just go back to the original name shall we? And, the room is not done, but it was a start :)The colors were a little hard to come up with, oh well. They are on there now!

Resolution or Revolution

I have a like/hate relationship with the whole New-Year's-resolution...gonna-set-big goals-for myself-in-the-new-year..type of thing. Like a guy in our Bible Study said... "New Year's resolution? Big woop. When you actually DO IT, then that's something to blog about." ha! Perhaps slightly cynical...but kinda true. Maybe we should set an End of the Year Revolution...looking back and saying..yup..mission accomplished.
I understand the concept...and though for the most part I try to be positive...resolutions leave me feeling "eh." Maybe it's because once I set out to do something, I aim to finish it or else it drives me crazy...there are negatives to that as well. SO I have a harder time with people who SAY they will do something...then don't. :) Though I have been guilty of such myself!
And seeing as how I am rambling... one common resolution is to lose weight. Oddly enough I received a trial magazine in the mail and it is one I would never choose to read or buy, but an article caught my eye about a woman who lost 150 pounds.
YIKES! But she was patient and diligent and she did it. She highlighted a few concepts that I thought were humorous but probably pretty effective.
SO!! For those of you who are poised to lose a few pounds this year... these were a few of her concepts:
1. Eat with chopsticks. (Ya gotta eat slower!)
2. Not every meal has to be a feast for the taste buds. Food is fuel...treat it as such.
3. If you mess up, don't vow to do better next week, vow to do better with the very next meal!!
4. You just gotta do it. People overcome trials every day. Get your butt off the couch and just do it. Mind over matter 90% of the time.
5. You are not a saint. If you are out with the girls, well enjoy a drink, enjoy a small dessert, but ladies...a banana split sundae followed by 2 glasses of wine and bread rolls with dinner...is not a treat. It's derailment!
6. Set a goal to run in a 5k ( erika i can hear your applause). or walk it! Pick a program (so many are out there - but for the ambitious i say p90x or Insanity) and for goodness sake..STOP WEIGHING YOURSELF! Pick a pair of pants ya wanna fit in and aim to try them on at the end of every month!
Ok, I think I'm done ;) and for those thinking and praying about the goals I shared with you ;) Here's to revolution baby!

So many things!!

So many things on my mind and so many projects underway I can scarcely keep up with myself. I have unleashed on a few people and they know my objectives, my goals and my excitement for some things I am jumping into...
However, the other day I was by myself and I had a chance to just drive and take pictures. It was nice, relaxing and I took my time. I realize I am not alone very often. Between family, friends, children, work, church and school...there are very few moments alone. I have come to love those moments though. I used to think if I was alone I was missing out on something as if everyone else was out there doing something and with someone and I was missing out. I don't think that anymore. Obviously, I can't do everything all the time (though I still might try). There is something replenishing, thought provoking and creative-inducing about that time...by myself!

Great Expectations (Still not the novel) part II

So...if you expect nothing from anyone you will never be disappointed? That was the question I got after the last post about expectations.
It's a nice thought. But it's still untrue. Of course you have to have a little balance with this concept I guess. You have to expect certain things from people.. but once again you are still in the driver's seat.
For one, I expect the teams I coach to be dedicated, focused and handle their time management responsibilities..however, I am somewhat responsible in make sure they are enabled to accomplish these things.
I expect my children to show respect...once again, something I have a hand in creating. I expect my good friends not to walk up and punch me in the face :). If they do...I suppose I should choose new friends! So, there will always be a certain level of expectation for people. I guess my point was, don't make YOUR expectations so high or so off course for someone that you are angry at them when they fall short.
Friends change loyalties, family members can be hurtful and children are imperfect...as we all are :)
So, checks and balance on that issue I guess.
Just a thought.

my thoughts; his thoughts

Andrew and his thoughts...often leave me scrambling for answers. But today his thoughts were simply just that..thoughts.
He told me today he loved where we lived.
His thoughts : "Look at the sky, it's like a volcano erupted colors all over it."
My thoughts: I've seen many sunsets and never thought of it like that :)